Ilya Egorov

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What is intimophobia?

This is by no means a fear of sex, as you might think, based on the name. Modern psychology and sexology consider intimophobia as a panic fear of a person before a long, emotional and trusting relationship with a partner. An intimophobe can easily start an easy, pleasant relationship, but as soon as the prospect of a deeper connection looms before him, he immediately disappears, leaving the partner in deep bewilderment, resentment and disappointment in humanity in general and one particular individual in particular.


Both a man and a woman can be intimophobic; some psychologists even claim that this phobia occurs in 30% of adult citizens. This, of course, is somewhat consoling: he left you not because you didn’t fry cutlets like mommy, but because he was just intimophobic. The opposite is also true – you cut off any connection with a guy who is pleasant to your soul and eye, not because you yourself do not know what you need, but because you have been overtaken by intimophobia.

Despite the frightening medical name, a phobia is not a disease. It is rather a complex of unconscious internal conflicts that do not allow a person to build long-term relationships. They give rise to a persistent, sometimes painful fear of a long-term relationship, emotional attachment and living together with another person. Outwardly, intimophobia manifests itself as a panic fear of dependence on another person, and if intimophobia still manages to be driven into the registry office, then in marriage he will keep his distance. Sex, new acquaintances, intrigues – this is an emotional doping that allows an intimophobe to keep himself in good shape.



Male intimophobia – causes

Intimophobic men, trying to rationalize their behavior, often give out such explanations: “I haven’t found my Only One yet!”, “I was once betrayed, and now it’s hard for me to trust”, “I’m still too young!” (Pronounced even if the young man is already over fifty closer to sixty).

The intimophobia of a man is formed by the mother, and the father is either missing or dead, or plays the role of a wordless bedside table. The mother reproaches her husband and openly or secretly expresses resentment, and the physical presence of a man is generally unimportant. A boy, even in an incomplete family, often hears what a disgusting type his father was.

In the soul of a mother, love for a child and resentment against him quite often fight, because he is a kind of copy of his father. Sometimes the mother feels in the boy an obstacle to the establishment of new relationships. All this leads to the fact that she constantly gives out an emotional carousel: either her child is a golden boy, the best in the world, or he is a product of darkness and despair, for which she mediocrely spends the best years of her life!


A boy from such mood swings develops a survival strategy: when it is impossible to run away from his beloved mother, he tries not to become attached to her and not to open up to her. The habit of keeping a distance for one’s own safety extends over time to girls, young women, women and grandmothers (as graying is added to the beard and hair is reduced on the head).



What causes female intimophobia?

“All men are their own … wimps!”, “I will decide everything myself, without relying on anyone”, “Ah, he’s not typical again” – these are the phrases by which you can recognize an intimophobic lady. Of course, you can’t say anything in your hearts, but if all the relationships of a beautiful lady last no more than 5 months, and 6 is generally a record, then you need to think about it.

The reason for female intimophobia is the fear of trust. Its roots also lie in the family: the basic trust in the world, or rather, its absence, is formed by parents in the early stages of a child’s development. Severe single mothers who can stop a galloping horse in a burning hut, or tyrannical fathers holding their daughter in tight rein, in the end create in the girl a strong belief that men are either worthless, or you need to keep a distance from them for your own safety. .


A woman cannot completely go into asceticism, because there is still a need for love and relationships. So she enters into a string of easy connections, breaking them off as soon as a man tries to cross the thin red line, beyond which a woman still feels safe.

What to do if your partner is intimophobic?

It is believed that intimophobes themselves suffer from the inability to start a family, but this is not always the case. There are people who are more than happy with this state of affairs and are not going to change anything. Intimophobia allows you to maintain your usual way of life and psychological comfort, and why overcome yourself or, God forbid, go to a psychologist?! It is unpleasant, uncomfortable and it is not clear what it will lead to.

However, if you still want a close relationship with an intimaphobe, then be prepared for a difficult struggle. First, the help of a qualified psychologist will not hurt. Indeed, compared with an ordinary person, an intimaphobe, depending on the depth of the violation, has no or reduced speed of rapprochement with a partner, as well as a lower level of trust and a higher fear of losing one’s security.


Secondly, if a man flatly refuses to visit a shrink (well, what kind of psycho is he, or what?!), try this:

  1. Show your partner that you do not apply for cohabitation, a stamp in your passport and a subsequent golden wedding with death on the same day on the threshold of ninety years.
  2. Try not to oppress the intimaphobe with the power of your feelings – it frightens him and causes unconscious associations with the emotional abuse of his mother. He is terrified by the very thought that he needs to take responsibility for your feelings.
  3. Do not encroach on the personal space of an intimaphobe – after all, you are no longer 18 years old, you are not necessarily together in 24/7/365 mode. Give him a break from you, go to the store, cafe with friends, watch the last season of Game of Thrones at last!
  4. Sex in all forms and forms will help an intimaphobe to quickly realize how you differ from mommy, and relationships with you from parent-child relationships.

Is the list complex and questionable? And who is easy now? It is important to understand whether your intimophobe is really the person for whom you will climb Everest without insurance. If yes, then go ahead!