Maria Arzamasova, author of the sex blog “Masha, come on!”, told Cosno how to determine if you had an orgasm and whether you need to determine it at all.
Due to the lack of systematic sexual education, we draw knowledge about sex from various sources: movies, books, media, girlfriend stories and, of course, porn. And most of these sources assure us that every sexual act must end in an orgasm. A woman arches her back in ecstasy, throws back her head, moans, and you think that she is experiencing the greatest pleasure in life. And once you have sex, you will have, like in the movies, a magical orgasm. But then sex life begins, and a slight bewilderment arises. You can be very pleased, you can experience a range of feelings for a partner, but the sensations that make you arch your back and moan are not even close. What’s wrong? “Am I frigid?” women ask me endlessly.
Let’s figure it out. Frigidity (lack of sexual desire) is a sexual dysfunction that actually occurs in a small percentage of women. It is unlikely that you ended up in this small company.
But there are other statistics. According to various surveys, about 60-80% of women do not experience orgasms from penetration. It would be strange to assume that they are all frigid. What is the point then?
For many years, sexology was a male science. A woman and her pleasure in sex were considered only through a male prism. That is, if a man gets an orgasm by penetrating a woman, then the woman should also experience an orgasm from penetration. And if she doesn’t succeed, then she’s somehow not like that. Frigid, cold, problematic – these are the most harmless definitions. It is clear that women did not want to be considered “defective”, so they learned very well to simulate orgasms, and in purely female companies to quietly ask: “Girls, did you have an orgasm with a man? Like this? What to do to get it?
A lot has changed in the 21st century. Firstly, scientists made a 3D model of the clitoris – it turned out that this is not a small head sticking out above the entrance to the vagina, but quite an organ that hides its legs and bulbs under the labia. Secondly, they declared the terminology “vaginal” and “clitoral” orgasms incorrect. It turned out that the same newly found clitoris is responsible for many orgasms and it is more convenient to call an orgasm by the way it was received – from stimulation of the clitoral head, from penetration, from anal sex. Then they destroyed the myth that female orgasms depend on men. Women are fully responsible for their orgasms, and it’s stupid to console them with the words: “You just didn’t have a normal man.” And in general, orgasms are not God knows what a complicated thing. They can be learned. Knowledge is just important – you need to understand how everything works for you, how everything functions, do not be shy to study your body and be free from prejudices. There don’t seem to be many requirements. But in a country with patriarchal views, with a lack of systematic sexual education, with beliefs that masturbation is a sin, and sex before marriage is unacceptable, it is difficult not only to experience an orgasm, it is difficult to have sex at all without feeling guilty about it, promiscuous and doing things you will later regret.
A bit of physiology
What is an orgasm? It’s a muscle spasm. With an increase in excitation, the blood fills the cavernous body of the clitoris, it swells, breathing quickens, the heart rate increases. Moreover, for this it is not at all necessary to stimulate the genitals or make frictions with a member inside the vagina. Sometimes light touches, whispers, and kisses, such as the ear, can signal the brain to be aroused. So when the blood rushed to the genitals, the body needs to somehow ensure its outflow. Therefore, at the peak of excitation, breathing stops, muscle spasm occurs (contractions of the vagina) and is followed by outflow of blood and relaxation. Without an orgasm, the body will take much longer to recover. Therefore, it would be nice to bring your arousal to an orgasmic climax. Orgasms are different in strength, depth, but one way or another, this is a kind of discharge of sexual arousal. When you climbed a hill on foot for a long time, you reached the top, and then you fly with a whistle down on an ice rink. And if you’re wondering if you had an orgasm, then most likely you didn’t. But it’s not scary. So all the interesting things are ahead!
Feel free to explore yourself, try different ways of stimulation, see how your body responds. Sex toys will be of great help in this matter. Try vibrations, rotations, vacuum stimulation not only on the head of the clitoris. Nipples, feet, back, neck can also be very sensitive. Play with the labia, the entrance to the vagina, find the zones G (on the front wall of the vagina) and K (on the back). Stimulations of different zones give different sensations and can certainly give different orgasms. The main thing to remember is that your orgasms are in your hands. If you know how to get them, you can tell the man what to do to get it. And there is nothing to be ashamed of when you get orgasms alone – who said that orgasms with a man are right, but not without him? Freud? So his theory has long been refuted by both new research and new discoveries.
Any orgasms are right, good, cool and yours.
More articles can be found in the Instagram account (The social network is recognized as extremist and banned in the territory of the Russian Federation) of Maria Arzamasova “Masha, come on!”