Orgasm is the very moment when the mind and body merge together. Do you ever think during an orgasm: “Oh, I should wash the windows tomorrow” or “Wear that black dress or suit tomorrow?”. These thoughts may appear during sex (especially during boring sex), but the orgasm remains “inviolable territory”, where you are all concentrated on your body, on your sensations.
It happens that thoughts do not allow you to focus on pleasure. You don’t seem to want to think about extraneous things, but they creep into your head, take away your joy.
The modern world is designed in such a way that we are encouraged to be distracted: quickly answer letters, respond to calls, jump from topic to topic, from article to article … In the end, we get so used to this jumping rhythm that we can’t stop and feel yourself inside your body. Sounds strange, but that’s the way it is. We are pulled out of our body, forced to look into the future or return to the past, we are not allowed to be “here and now”.
How long have you been thinking: “God, what a delicious ice cream … How it melts in my mouth”?
Or “How nice it is when the sun warms up”?
Mindfulness is a practice that teaches us to be in the moment, to concentrate on our emotions and feelings that we experience here and now. What’s with the sex? Everything is simple. It is because of the inability to feel our body, because we move away from it, because we allow our thoughts to be elsewhere, that we fail to enjoy sex.
In order to fix this, do the exercise every day for at least five minutes, and you will quickly feel that sex brings you more joy than before, and you begin to regain control over your own body again.
1. Find a comfortable place where no one and nothing will distract you. It is important that during these 5-10 minutes you are completely on your own. If you feel like it, cover yourself with pillows, cover yourself with a blanket or turn off the light (at this point it is important not to fall asleep). You can create a space that you like: do you like to burn incense, or do you like soft music or nature sounds playing in the background? But don’t get carried away. It is important to create a calm atmosphere, and not to rearrange the apartment.
2. Allow yourself to sit down and relax. Close eyes. Scan the atmosphere in your mind: note what the air smells like, what you hear at the moment, what your body feels … Note how the clothes on the body feel, the texture of the fabric. Do not evaluate your feelings, do not divide them into pleasant and unpleasant, just note that they are.
3. Now mentally turn to your breath. Don’t change its rhythm or depth, just give your full attention to the breath. You can choose one area where the breath is felt most clearly: is it a chill under the nose or a place in the chest area when it expands with a sigh? If it is convenient, you can mentally pronounce “one” with each breath, and say “two” to yourself as you exhale. But don’t keep counting, you don’t have to concentrate on counting, only on breathing.
4. When you feel that you have calmed your thoughts, move on to a mental “scan” of the body. From this moment begins your acquaintance. Imagine as if you first “put on” your body, like a dress in a store. You try it on, you are curious: how do your hands feel? What about legs? And the scalp?
5. And now slowly, very slowly, concentrate on different parts of your body, starting with the crown and scalp. Try to mentally “cover” all the sensations: tickling? burning? tingling? It is normal if, as soon as you start thinking about some part of the body, it becomes active and begins to declare itself. We repeat: do not divide sensations into pleasant or unpleasant, just note their presence and move on to the next part of the body. Linger on those parts of the body that give you the most unusual and unexpected sensations.
6. Feel free to pay more attention to the genital area. Pay attention to whether you are sitting with your legs clenched or spread apart? Do you have tension in this area? Pay attention to the buttocks and nipples, clitoris, labia – “wake them up”, allow yourself to get to know these sensations better.
7. Mentally “embrace” your entire body, let it tell you how it feels. Give thanks for all the sensations it gives you, good and bad.
8. Mentally go back to the room and slowly open your eyes. Give yourself a minute or two to relax and focus.
It may seem to you that nothing happened, you remained the same. But the trick of meditation is that the effect is not immediately noticeable, it takes time for meditation to give you something new in yourself, to return the feeling of being “here and now”.