No need to rush to the ideal
Rita Krylyshkina: “Rita, take off your foam bra!” I would say to my sixteen year old self. And then sex, perhaps, would not be postponed for several years. Every time a man’s palm approached the shamelessly lying push-up, a shell exploded in my head: “Now he will remove the“ third number ”from me and find … Yes, he won’t find anything under it!”
Four years! For four years, the channel from the rivulet of light petting to the sea of passionate sex was plugged with foam rubber. When I rejected the inflated miracle of underwear engineering, relationships with men moved to another plane. In all senses. Slimming shorts, silicone inserts, false eyelashes… In pursuit of sexuality, you can miss both sex and the love of your life. The more you like a man, the less you want to disappoint him. And this can happen when the forgery is revealed.
You know, there are connoisseurs of protruding quivering nipples, and not puffy breasts. There are many who want to slap on a big soft butt, and not see exactly 90 in the hips on a centimeter. They also love non-standard tummies, and chubby arms, or, on the contrary, protruding collarbones and sharp knees. But how to consider the real yourself when you imitate an essentially faceless ideal? So, can we take off the foam bras? When greedy eyes drill you, and not another standard of female beauty, be sure that the quality and quantity of sex will be excellent. Checked.
Arina Borisova: Dear Arina. Of course, you are an advanced girl: you watched two episodes of the Blue Lagoon, read the ABC of Sex and giggled with your girlfriends, honing the technique of oral sex on sausages (come on, I know). And you also have a boyfriend, and passionate love covers you when his parents leave home. But you still listen to me.
Vaginal orgasm is, alas, a rarity. Normal women, not porn actresses who gasp three times and then groan. Don’t fake it! Even if at first it will increase the self-esteem of your boyfriend (that is, importantly, my current husband), then you will have to explain for a long time what’s what. Better tell him about clitoral stimulation, and show him, and let him put the knowledge into practice. Yes, the most faster and easier, and with it the sensations are stronger. And here’s another thing: the phrase “I want you” works wonders. They say men love to conquer. But in reality, they don’t really like persuading a girl to have sex (and most importantly, they get bored quickly). Well, there is no desire, talk about it directly, sex through force is a dubious pleasure.
And yet, I must disappoint you: a sense of humor, even as sparkling as yours, is inappropriate in bed. If a super joke is born in your head, save it for later. Useful when asked to write for VOICE. Yes, and do not drink postinor often – it is harmful. Find out soon how best and safer to protect yourself.
Sometimes you can even score a pedicure.
Julia Tilly: My grandmother often talked about one of her friends, whom her husband had never seen without makeup and styling in 50 years of marriage. This story made an indelible impression on my child’s psyche. How else to explain the fact that for many years I firmly believed that in a person (read: in a girl) everything should be impeccable: the face, the clothes, and, of course, the pedicure. There were just absurd situations. For example, I’m in a nightclub, my beloved man calls me and invites me on a date (mind you, on the first one). I frantically remember if everything is fine in me, and suddenly I realize (oh, horror!) that my toenails are not made up. I call a taxi, rush home, ask the taxi driver to wait, and in just 15 minutes I correct this “terrible” flaw. Would a man notice the difference? I doubt! Yet in sex, the main thing is not the form, but the content. If I had known this before, I would have had much more vivid memories.
I would advise my eighteen-year-old self not to listen to anyone but myself. Want to have sex on the first date? Why not! And do not believe that men do not take such girls seriously. Even as they perceive, my husband is a good example. Don’t want to have sex when it’s expected of you? You don’t owe anyone anything. Do not change yourself – the main rule, the rest is nonsense.
The difference in sexual temperaments is not treated.
Elena Korovushkina: Dear eighteen year old me! I want to save miles of your nerves and years of life. Remember: the difference in sexual temperaments is not treated. And let it seem that this is love, and the first sex seemed to be bright, but if one wants twice a day, and the other – twice a month, you’d better stay friends.
First, check your hormone levels, maybe your body produces testosterone in industrial quantities. But if the problem is not medical, then the more temperamental in your couple (and in your case it’s you) can get two jobs, go to jigsaw courses and train for the London Marathon. She (that is, you) will come home tired, but at least the libido will be silent. But seriously, when the temperaments do not match, then someday the one who has a higher sex drive will not stand it: the dishonest one will cheat, and the honest one will pack up and leave.
And especially for the paranoid like you: don’t put on two condoms at once, it doesn’t make the protection twice as effective, it increases the risk of the condom breaking. And if you made an intermission in the middle of the main program, then before proceeding to the second part of it, change the condom: the lubricant dries quickly, and it may not withstand your ardor.
Initiative is a noble cause!
Alice Bon: I am a shy person. And she made her debut in the sexual field, folding her arms at the seams and moaning for the entourage. In this mode, I comprehended the essence of adult life for a long time, being afraid to take the initiative. It was easier for me to lie down and not rock the boat, and let him do what he wants.
But everything changed drastically, as soon as I had a little drink. I boldly took the bull by the horns. I remember once (well, not once) she waved a red thong, shouted “Torro!”, again and again saddling a bull distraught with happiness. The next morning, I was ashamed of all this erotic bullfighting, but the sight of a contented, ruddy-faced man sleeping next to me gave me reason to be quietly proud of myself.
But in a sober mind and sound memory, the bullfighter again turned into a steadfast soldier with handles at the seams. There was no shame after that, but there was also no reason for pride. Deciding that it was not worth getting drunk for the sake of good sex, I began to work on myself. At first, she overcame shame and embarrassment, improvising with poses and props, but then she “traveled around”.
Dear Alice! Initiative is a noble cause. If I knew how to bring the morning blush on the cheeks of a blissfully sleeping man, then at the age of nineteen I would have allowed my inner bull tamer to scream “Torro!” from the heart, waving a red thong.
Stop trying so hard.
Sasha Popugaeva: Perhaps the most important advice is: “Baby, stop trying so hard. Start having fun.” The syndrome of an excellent student who thinks that there is no such man, under whom she (that is, I) could not adapt, destroys self-esteem. Closer to thirty, I made an important discovery: there are a lot of men around who do not suit me and never will. So, you need to stop investing your time, your desires, your youth and beauty in unpromising projects with unsuitable men.
Adjusting to a partner is difficult to enjoy, because you are busy regulating “how I look from the outside” … Especially if the partner is a “bad guy.” All excellent students love bad guys, because he will come, break our crystal coffin with a sledgehammer – and … And then it turns out that even the most outrageous hooligans can become faithful and caring, but not with us. And they can give flowers, but not to us.
And it’s a shame for the ineptly spent efforts, for which no one will give you a medal. Basically, stop trying. Love is pleasure, not hard work or endless drama.