In an era of feminism and equality, it is not easy for women to admit that they want to be dominated in bed, pushed around and pulled by the hair, calling them the last words, even in the context of a game of mutual consent. According to a North Texas University study, 57% of women are turned on by the idea of hard sex, no matter how politically incorrect it may sound. “This is not a marginal desire, this is more normal than you might imagine,” says Zhanna Vrangalova, Ph.D., professor of psychology at New York University and founder of the Casual Sex Project blog. In 2011, 50 Shades of Gray, a book about sex impossible without a resounding slap, disappeared from bookstores at the speed of sound, and the electronic version broke the sales record for the paper version. It was the first book to sell a million copies for the Kindle reader. Understandably, few readers wanted their friends to see the cover of Fifty Shades of Gray on their shelves. Today, three years after the book’s release, the garish trailer for the movie adaptation of the acclaimed novel premiered not on a late-night TV show, but on a brisk Today morning show. And this is already a certain status! Hard sex has become mainstream.
But even women who see hardcore games as an important factor in achieving pleasure must be thinking about the consequences of male dominance. We, the women of the 21st century, have passed the difficult path from slavery to independence! We have been working for more than a hundred years to be respected, considered equal and perceived as strong. Doesn’t this mean that all progress has led to the fact that we like to be humiliated? Not at all.
If you like it when your boyfriend spanks or chokes you, it does not mean that you are a supporter of sexism. We can love hard sex as much as we like, but this is not a synonym for any other domestic and social humiliation. The main thing is not to let this game go beyond the bedroom. “It’s simple – it turns you on,” explains sexologist and therapist Steven Snyder. Despite the evolution of mankind, some aspects of sexual attractiveness have remained at a primitive level. A man differs from a woman in physical strength, and it is she who underlies our sensuality. No one says that passion and rudeness must necessarily go in one bundle. Still, we have gone much further than our ancestors. It’s just that we still can’t resist if we find out that he wants us so badly that he is ready to pin us to the bed. Feeling the power is very exciting! For many women who grow up with the feeling that sex is dirty or bad, being included in a game where they are allegedly forced to act can alleviate feelings of guilt or anxiety. “It helps women share responsibility for their desires,” says Vrangalova. There are also physiological reasons for our craving for dangerous games. “When you are frightened, blood circulation rises, the pupils dilate, the whole body comes into a state of increased excitement,” Zhanna explains. “Add a sexual component to this and it will be quite pleasant.”