A man (without health problems) needs a physical stimulus to achieve orgasm. There is a partner and contact with her, which means that with skillful actions, the climax will not be long in coming. It’s more difficult for women. You need a mood, appropriate fantasies and the ability to focus on your feelings. And not only this.
Hard to get an orgasm: root cause from childhood
A rare woman experiences an orgasm in the first sexual relationship. This is because sensuality takes time to mature. And this period is determined by the type of sexual constitution. Conventionally, it is of two types: weak and strong.
Facts about the female orgasm
Weak constitution – in girls with a late onset of regular menstruation (15–17 years) and a late appearance of sexual desire (14–17 years).
Strong – for those whose cycle is already established at 9–11 years old, and at 8–10 they experienced their first sexual interest.
A girl with a weak constitution matures longer, with a strong one – faster and more intensely. Thus, one of the obvious explanations for why a woman does not have an orgasm is the issue of puberty.
“Artificial attempts to speed up and slow down this process can lead to violations in the psycho-sexual sphere, to psychological trauma, sexual problems,” warns psychologist-sexologist Marina Firsova.
It can be said that sexuality finally awakens when a woman experiences her first orgasm. It is quite normal if this moment comes after a few months or even years from the moment the intimate life began.
If a woman has reached orgasm at least once, and no matter how, it means that sexuality has already been awakened. And this opens up the opportunity to enjoy sex again and again.
“There are factors that inhibit and even block pleasure: psychological, physiological, situational. The degree of their influence depends on age, sexual education and experience, personality type and character, temperament, sexual constitution and even education. Therefore, it is impossible to give universal advice “how to have an orgasm.” You can help a particular woman, taking into account all her characteristics, partner and situation, ”this is how sex psychiatrist Georgy Selyukov explains why you should visit a sexologist if you intend to realize your sexuality at five. And at the same time deal with the reasons why a woman stopped getting an orgasm or never experienced it at all.
It’s hard to get an orgasm: a lesson in physiology
But we will tell you something useful. To begin with, let’s figure out what an orgasm is, this will help to understand why a woman can’t get it. It turns out that this is not just a reaction of the genital organs to mechanical irritation: it is born in the brain and involves your entire body. In response to sexual stimulation, a powerful release of neurotransmitter hormones occurs in the brain.
- Serotonin enhances its activity, improves mood.
- Norepinephrine increases the level of arousal.
- Dopamine causes a feeling of pleasure.
- Endorphins are a state of euphoria.
- Oxytocin is a hormone that causes not only vaginal and uterine contractions, but also a sense of trust in a sexual partner.
The interval of contractions of the vagina is about 0.8 seconds. Breathing becomes more frequent, the pulse reaches 180 beats per minute or more, blood pressure rises by 20–40 mm Hg. Art. During orgasm, the pattern of female brain activity resembles that of an epileptic seizure. And then many areas of the brain seem to turn off.
On tomograms of the brain of a woman experiencing the peak of pleasure, one can see how the centers responsible for fear, logical thinking and even emotions stop working. Only the cerebellum remains active, which controls movement and sensation. The fireworks of this activity ends with a real “reboot” of the system.
Despite such impressive details, scientists are still figuring out why it is difficult for a woman to have an orgasm. The mechanisms of attraction, arousal, and sexual release are still poorly understood.
But this is what is reliably known: the psyche is primarily responsible for sexual arousal, while the body is only its conductor. Sometimes just one thought about that tall brunette with whom you occasionally meet by chance in the morning in a cafe is enough, and the first signs of arousal make themselves felt. Among them, the following are the most common:
- heartbeat quickens
- a pleasant weakness appears in the lower abdomen (this is due to the fact that the pelvic organs are filled with blood)
- moisturizing the walls of the vagina
If the “love mood” does not appear, there will be no physiological reaction that will prepare the body for the act of love. Therefore, there will be no orgasm. And in general, most likely, everything will pass without enthusiasm. That’s why a long prelude is so important to us. Thanks to her, the appropriate erotic signals will be sent to the brain and the body will tune in to a sexual mood.
Reasons for not having an orgasm: long onset
The well-known sex coach Alex Mei explains to men at his trainings that foreplay should last at least 40 minutes (for which we are terribly grateful to him). Yes, yes, we have all heard the word “prelude” a thousand times, but few people understand what, in fact, to take this time.
If you’re in such a quandary yourself, what about men who have no idea why some women don’t get orgasms. They would rather solve the differential equation than answer this question. Men are not built like we are: their excitement appears quickly, is rapidly realized and instantly fades away. Therefore, it is difficult for them to understand women’s needs. But you don’t call yourself partners for nothing: you have to help your chosen one and show what exactly excites you. And already it excites excited you. And it doesn’t matter – in lace or cotton shorts, believe me.
Such a prelude would be ideal, during which you will not touch each other’s intimate areas for some time: the female body, in principle, is almost 10 times more sensitive than the male one. And excitation turns the entire surface of the skin into one continuous erogenous zone. Unless, of course, you feel relaxed, calm and comfortable next to this person.
But in order to better understand why it is difficult for a woman to have an orgasm, it is important to understand what exactly to do? How to fix the current situation? First of all, you need to become aware of your preferences by analyzing the situations that caused you sexual arousal. For example, fantasies and sequences of actions during masturbation. However, all this is secondary. The most important thing is how close the partner is to your “sexual ideal”.
Scientists have proven that women who are in love with their man get more orgasms. True, 2-3% of us have an extremely strong sexual constitution, when physiology dominates psychology. Such girls can achieve a full-fledged orgasm even with a man whom they despise – if he caresses her correctly.
“Sex is a unique physiological function, the only one of all that involves the participation of two people at once,” says gynecologist Valentina Yavnyuk. “Therefore, it requires full partnerships, equal commitment and a willingness to give of oneself.”
If your man categorically does not want to change and go for creative cooperation, we must admit honestly: nothing will happen from a change in positions. But from a change of partner … It is no longer necessary to solve a difficult puzzle why an adult woman cannot get an orgasm. She just doesn’t fit the right person.
Finally, in addition to relationships, our ability to experience enchanting relaxation is influenced by various little things:
- day of the monthly cycle (its middle is the realm of orgasm)
- degree of fatigue
- amount of sleep
- level of self-esteem
- cultural bias
- religious beliefs
- feeling of social security
- and even financial difficulties
We can conclude why a woman does not get an orgasm in sex: her brain is constantly busy with something. Whether she is engaged in self-digging, solves domestic problems or has complexes, is not so important. She can not relax and free herself from an extraneous burden.
A woman does not experience an orgasm: you need to relieve stress
“From a medical point of view, sexual intercourse without an orgasm is not a very useful activity,” says Valentina Yavnyuk. With an increase in excitation, a lot of blood rushes to the genitals and pelvic organs, leaving other areas “underserved” for a while. Orgasm causes the uterus, pelvic floor muscles and abs to spasm, as if “squeezing” the tissues from excess blood. After that, blood flow returns to normal. This helps to avoid gynecological problems and maintain attraction.
What will help you enjoy? You have already understood that the main trigger of orgasm – arousal – appears due to your feelings for a partner. And even if you have lived together for ten years, you need to develop relationships so that trust and intimacy are maintained. Psychologists call this “feedback establishment”: you must hear and feel each other, adjust your behavior, taking into account the partner’s reaction. It takes effort and quite a lot of time. Why does a woman not always get an orgasm? Because none of you wants to spend this energy, or just burned out, tired, and a hundred more similar explanations. But, you must admit, a strong emotional connection between you is worth these costs.
Simple steps to help you enjoy sex can be done right now. American sexologist Jan Kerner claims that in 8 out of 10 cases, orgasm eludes us due to insufficient stimulation of the clitoris. Therefore, try to choose a position that allows you to caress yourself at this important point.
Not bad for exploring your feelings, the pose of a rider is suitable. Hands are free, you can control the degree of penetration, and a very exciting view of a liberated naked woman opens up in front of your partner.
The myths about the dangers of masturbation are false … only half. And it’s not about the moral side of the issue. Our body in the process of sexual maturation learns new ways of feeling. You unconsciously learn the art of sex with every new experience.
“Regular masturbation at a conscious age can lead to the consolidation of a “pattern” that most often cannot be repeated with a partner. This is the so-called maladaptive masturbation, which can seriously harm the further sexual life, ”explains Marina Firsova.
This is one of the serious criteria why a woman does not get a vaginal orgasm with a man. If you experience pleasure alone with yourself, but not during sex, an intermediate step on the way to the desired result will be masturbation in the presence of a partner. This delicately presented idea will help you move to a new level of trust and excite your partner just as much as you.