QUESTION: Persuading my boyfriend to have sex is a challenge. For me, twice a week is the minimum that I need. He can do without this case… I don’t know, for years. I hate trying to initiate sex because when a man rejects me, I feel unloved and unattractive, but if I don’t try, I’m not sure we’ll ever have anything else. I become insanely irritable and insecure because my man does not want me.
We fight all the time over this. I brought this up repeatedly, and one day he reluctantly told me that he felt insecure with me in bed because I once told him that I came with difficulty, especially without clitoral stimulation. I think it’s just laziness and stupid excuses. I make sure to let him know how good I am with him, and I compliment him after sex (when he suddenly happens).
Sex has a huge impact on my self-esteem and how happy I am with this person. Can sex (or in our case, the lack of it) be a reason to seriously think about our relationship?
ANSWER: Yes, a terrible sex life is as much a reason to think about relationships as any other serious problem. A healthy sex life is very important, not only because it makes you feel good, but also because it is the path of intimate communication, one of the main ways in which we feel close to our partner. When this connection breaks, the sex life often suffers first. So, most likely, sex is not your only problem.
Looks like your boyfriend is lazy. Or watched enough TV (not to mention porn), where a man just touches a woman – and now she is already moaning in ecstasy. So maybe he needs a little sex education lesson.
Patiently explain the importance of clitoral stimulation—of the women in the VOICE survey, only 57% said they had orgasms most of the time, and 38% said they lacked such stimulation.
In other words, reassure your boyfriend: he shouldn’t feel insecure. Explain that nothing happens in your sex life that very often does not happen to others. It’s not hard to please you – the same thing happens with other women. (True, 67% of them have ever faked an orgasm, which prevents them from solving the problem and misleads men.) And he is lucky that his partner is ready to openly talk with him about her needs.
Your libido mismatch is a common problem. What if one partner needs more sex than the other? Try to talk to him about what really turns him on, what he wants, what will make him enjoy sex.
Now for the part of the answer you won’t like: there is no right amount of sex. There is only your desire and his desire. Each pair has a golden mean. We must seek a compromise – with the help of his hand or sex toys; Or maybe he wants to see how you give yourself pleasure?
Yes, now you are disappointed and depressed, but, apparently, you are ready to work on relationships. If you really love this person, there is hope that you will be able to come to some kind of agreement. Many people think that good sex should come naturally. Sometimes it does. But often a long, rich sex life requires care and attention, as well as relationships in general.