- Please don’t honk them like a horn. You’re not in a nursery, and I’m not a clown who, as a child, allowed you to beat him with a foam nose.
- And you don’t have to play boat with them (you know, when they bury their face between their breasts and snort like a motorboat). I shudder even when I see it in the movies. Do not repeat this at home! (At least during sex. No, don’t repeat it at all. It’s terrible.)
- Never crumple them like I’m at a mammologist’s exam if you’re not a mammologist. Oh, are you a doctor? Okay, doctor, what do you recommend?
- What you should not do is to twist them, as if you were unscrewing the lid from a jar of country pickles. They won’t open. (And if they do, so much the worse for you.)
- Do you really enjoy pinching my nipples the way weird aunts pinch their nephews cheeks during family gatherings? You don’t like it when your aunt does that to your cheeks, so why are you trying to be my nipple aunt? Is that sexy?
- When you lick them, it’s nice. But not when you lick it like it’s an Olivier jar with the rest of the sauce. I’m already covered in saliva and I’m getting cold. Stop. Let’s go eat better.
- No need to shake them, as if they are bags of ringing gold coins.. They won’t ring, and you won’t shake money out of there, so stop shaking the soul out of me.
- Better not give them names. I’m pretty sure I won’t like any of the options. Most likely, they will warp me. I don’t call your “cockerel” (“robber”? “Our baby”? Isn’t it terrible?)
- Never, ever squeeze them with all your might with your open palm, as if you were trying to clean a bathroom mirror with a rag. Try to touch gently and adjust the force of compression smoothly so that the partner has time to say “Darling, take it easy, please” instead of “Wow!”.
- You should not focus on the nipples alone, forgetting about the rest of the chest. She is quite sensitive. Am I doing more than just the head?
- Stop grabbing them like you’re climbing a rock. I’m not made of stone, my dear climber. More tender… Even more tender.