First of all, I went through the editorial office and asked this question to every woman I met. The numbers differed greatly. Girls under 25 most often said with burning eyes: “2-3 times a week is normal, more can be!” The answers of the “senior colleagues” were horrifying: “Yes, once a week – God forbid!”
So how many?
You probably expected this answer: there is no “correct” number, and no matter how glossy (including us) encourage you to have sex at every opportunity, you need to face the truth: sometimes a healthy eight-hour sleep is much more attractive than a hot night of love .
A couple’s sex life depends on a whole bunch of different factors – age, lifestyle, natural libido levels, health, stress levels, having kids…
But what does dry statistics say? A 2017 study published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior puts the figure at 54 times a year, which is about once a week. Interestingly, this number is less than in the 90s. Age plays a huge role: Americans in their 20s have sex on average 80 times a year (1.5 times a week), and older couples in their 60s have about 20 times.
Curiously, another study published in Social Psychological and Personality Science “evaluated” the sex lives of 30,000 Americans over 40 years. The guys came to the conclusion that the “gold sex standard” for a happy partnership is sex once a week. Couples who had more sex weren’t that much happier, but those who had less sex didn’t seem 100% satisfied with their marriage.
Life without sex
Sexologists call a marriage in which a couple has sex less than 10 times a year sexless. But the lack of sex does not always signal that something is wrong with the relationship in a couple. Although for many sex is a way to achieve the highest degree of intimacy, the opportunity to share catharsis, pleasure for two, there are couples who are able to refuse sex without damaging the relationship.
However, there are few of them. Sexologist Ian Kerner says: “Couples who have stopped having sex become more vulnerable to anger, infidelity and eventually breakup. I believe that sex plays an important role. He is like the glue that holds us together; without him, partners become good friends at best, swearing neighbors at worst.”
According to psychotherapist Tina Tessina, “The most common reason that a couple in a marriage stops having sex is that the feelings of one of the partners are hurt or insulted too often, one is busy all the time, one or both partners have encountered problems in communication “.
How many such pairs? More than we think. About 15% of couples, according to The New York Times in 2009, live without sex.
But if not sex
Is it normal for a couple not to have sex? Yes, if both partners are satisfied with this state of affairs. There are countless alternatives besides penetrative sex itself: mutual masturbation is one of them.
We are all living people, and there is no point in striving for some kind of ideal: today we want sex to the point of pain in the stomach, and the next day we just need to eat and sleep well. Our body and mind are complex. For some, sex is a way to relax and relieve stress, while for others it only strains. In any case, all is well that is good and both like it. May it be so!