“My husband and I loved to cuddle and have sex. It happened that he came up to me in a bar, kissed me on the ear, touched my neck a couple of times – and I could no longer wait until we returned home. We made love in the toilets of restaurants, in the car, on the stairs in the entrance … But we had one little secret: he could not achieve an erection without pills.
On the fourth date, he confessed to impotence. I almost spilled my cocktail! We already hugged goodbye, and I felt that everything was fine with him, how could it be? It turned out that since the age of 17 he has been sick with diabetes, this is a side effect, and only pills help.
I always thought impotence was for old people. But it turned out that one in four turns to the funds from it before the age of 40. He noticed his problem quite quickly and was very worried that it could not be cured. I didn’t tell anyone, because such conversations are still not welcomed by society. The most annoying thing is that it is not erectile dysfunction itself that usually interferes with relationships, but what is happening around it. Men have to be silent and carefully hide the problem.
The fact that he confessed to me is a big victory. He made sure that I knew that we would not have spontaneous sex. His openness helped me admit that I never had an orgasm. He even laughed: “I don’t have an erection, you don’t have an orgasm, we are a couple of losers!”
That evening we continued our conversation in bed when he took a small pill. It worked in about an hour, and while waiting, we just lay around and hugged. He asked me to show how I bring myself to orgasm with my hand, and at that time he kissed my thighs … In general, everything happened quickly, and then he had an erection – and we continued.
We openly discussed intimate desires with him. We have always been taught to enjoy penetrative sex, but it became clear to me that this is not important at all. I used to think that the lack of an orgasm was partly my personal mistake, now I realized that everything is wrong. We focused on getting pleasure without sex, exploring each other’s erogenous zones…
I learned that when he kisses my ear and under my belly button, I immediately turn on. His erogenous zones are nipples and neck. With previous partners, everything was quick and clear: a little foreplay, sex, ejaculation. This time it happened differently. He knew me better than anyone, and our sex was not just good, it was amazing.
Of course, there were also difficulties. I have a stronger libido and sometimes it’s not easy to wait for the pills to work. Sometimes I asked him to drink medicine on the way home so that I could have sex right on the doorstep. Sometimes he forgot to take the drug, got tired or something did not work. You understand with your brain that the problem is not in you, but this does not always help.
Four years later, we divorced (not because of this), but we are still friends. If he had not opened up to me at the very beginning, we would hardly have lasted so long, and I would still think that anorgasmia is my personal problem.
In general, if someone comes across a person with dysfunction, there is no need to panic. Do not consider this a disadvantage, consider it an opportunity to discover new facets in sex. Explore each other’s bodies and get the best orgasm!”