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There are so many ways to please your partner – and just as many ways to become a terrible drug addict. What can you do to become the worst erotic memory of his life?
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- Answer a phone call. And even more so – to continue the conversation instead of referring to employment and agreeing to call back. Well, imagine – he is trying there, and you are like: “What are you doing? Masha bought those green shoes? And How? What did Slavik say?
- Call him in bed by someone else’s name. Surprisingly, for some reason people are offended by this.
- On the very first night, confess your love to him. Of course, you are euphoric from what happened. But you’ve only just begun to get to know each other, and talking about a serious relationship at this stage is only to frighten off the (perhaps) nascent intimacy.
- Ask: “Are you already there?” If it’s really that bad, check with your hand.
- Ask: “Well, are you done already?” If it’s really that bad – again, a hand to help you.
- Call his dick a stupid name (Remember the classic “Sophie Baby” from How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days?)
- Trying to squeeze out a “vicious” phrase if you are a shy and cultured girl by nature. “Well, rather, introduce your … your … your, uhm, little thing into my … hmm, ahem, uh … thing …” – is unlikely to be included in the selection of the hottest phrases in bed. Even worse is to try to use the mat, and then lie down and die of shame.
- To fall asleep. Baby, were you really that bored?
- Leaving your cell phone lying on the bed and accidentally pressing something… And with horror to discover that a colleague or relative happened to listen to your hot moans with bewilderment, or, worse, that all your followers on Instagram (The social network is recognized as extremist and banned in the Russian Federation) are watching an unscheduled selfie of your priests.
- Behave like a familiar. For example, yelling “High five, dude!” after a simultaneous orgasm. Friendship and bed are different territories.
- Talk about extraneous things that have nothing to do with sex. Even if you can’t wait to discuss Mashka’s new green shoes or that nice little corner sofa that you have looked after in the kitchen.
- Claim: “Maybe we’re making a baby right now” – if you have not discussed this before and have not come to an agreement that you are ready to become parents.
- Turn on inappropriate music, and worse, the radio, where, at the most interesting moment, the cheerful voice of the presenter can cut in or a song can begin that is of little use as a background for love pleasures. It happens that you find a station with beautiful lyrical music, and you just go into a rage – and then Serdyuchka affectionately and soulfully warns you in your very ear what happens to a girl who “wanted a groom” … La, la-la-la, la. Hmm.
- Quote your favorite characters. Even if you’re both fans of South Park, it’s hardly worth praising your partner in the voice of Eric Cartman: “Sweet!”
- Trying to make a cool face or take a seductive pose. You are not acting in films, and falseness is felt a mile away.
- Let animals into the room. Firstly, it looks, and this confuses many. Secondly, it may want to participate: for example, give a clawed paw to a regularly swaying scrotum (from personal experience. I do not advise!)
- Start complexing about your figure right now. Well, of course, it turns him on very much if you say: “Don’t look at me, I’m too fat / thin / ugly / (substitute your own version)” and start building a fortress wall around you from a blanket.
- Announce that you are breaking up with him, at this very moment. Sorry, but it’s like a sickle… Ugly, in a word.
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