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What happens if you bring vintage scenes from XXX movies to real life? Nonsense. They are funny because they are far from everyday life. Our author is trying to dream up in tune with porn heroes – but over and over again he returns from heaven to earth.
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- Pizza order. In porn, it usually looks like this: “Oh, I ordered a pizza, but I completely forgot that I have no money. May I pay in kind?” I have no doubt: someone really happened to have sex with an unfamiliar courier who loaded food. But screenwriters of porn films (hell, there is such a profession!) leave behind the scenes the harsh truth of everyday life:
- At the courier, your order is most likely not the only one. While he will embody your erotic fantasies, all pizzas will cool down and turn into an inedible sole, and hungry and angry customers will cut off the phones in his office.
- Well, what will he say to the authorities when he returns? “Everything is in order, we didn’t receive money and disrupted a bunch of orders, but I had plenty of fun, and then I fed all the surrounding homeless people with cold pizza. So there is nothing to worry about?
- You must be hungry to order pizza. You can’t wait until it is finally delivered, and you only think about how to start it as soon as possible. (And the courier still doesn’t go … Has he really indulged in debauchery with one of the lonely clients?)
- Blockage and call a locksmith. I had to take time off from work for the whole day, because the plumber “will be there tomorrow”, it is not clear what time (or maybe not, or maybe not a plumber …). When he finally showed up, he did his dirty work (in the sense that he cleared the blockage) and hurried to the next call. There is nothing sexual in this situation, as in the words “Mistress, I came to clean your pipes.” You get angry because of the blockage, you can’t wash or go to the toilet properly, you lost a day waiting. (And I don’t know where those young, well-groomed, handsome locksmiths from the movies go. Only old shapeless guys ringing at my door, flooding the apartment with a miasma of cheap cologne.)
- Trying to get an A through the professor’s bed. Of course, there are teachers in the world who just arrange their lives in this way. Heard about those. But most of the unfortunate student “without complexes” will simply be laughed at. They will say: “Go study, Tarapunkina!” And then, until the end of your studies, you will try not to run into him in the dining room … Unless, of course, you fail the session. So go study.
- At the doctor. You came to this damn clinic by appointment, but you still sat in line for two hours, while there were grandmothers in the office “I’m just getting a prescription”, aunts “I’ll ask you quickly” and uncles “I just need to close the hospital.” Your semi-deaf doctor is over 80 and has 12 minutes to see each patient, so the sexiest thing about this situation is that you didn’t have time to button your blouse, and he already blinked a light, and the next visitor enters the office. Not to mention the fact that you are scared among medical instruments, you are unwell and have just told the doctor all about your digestion.
- You found a thief in the house, and he decided to “thank” you for not calling the police. Something (for example, crime news reports) suggests that usually thieves and victims of burglaries behave a little differently.
- Office. Of course, everyone wants to rip off their suit and tie as soon as possible… At home, when the working day is finally over – or when you take sick leave – and you can safely order pizza, take a shower (if the drain is not clogged) and, lying on the couch under the muttering of the news announcer about thefts and robberies, reminisce about the student years …
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