What stories about tantra I have not heard! “Masha, this is sex at a distance, when partners exchange thoughts and finish,” V., a diligent family man and young dad, assures me. It is possible that my friend and his wife have such a strong connection that even hundreds of kilometers away they can catch an orgasm. But, most likely, V. confused the tantra with Kashpirovsky’s session. The concepts came to Russia in the early 1990s and in the minds of Russians merged into one mystical teaching. Do you want the truth? Tantra is not about sex at all.

The exotic concept was born in India thousands of years ago. Tantra has its roots in Hinduism. In essence, tantra is a spiritual practice, namely meditation, breathwork, awareness and connection – with oneself, with the world and with a partner. Boredom, right? Far from it. Tantra views every aspect of the human experience, including sex, as the potential for personal development. For a tantric, life is a mass of opportunities for self-exploration. Any unpretentious work – eating, drinking, breathing, dancing, making love – if done not automatically, but with complete immersion, brings pleasure.

The idea of ​​tantric sex is to establish intimacy with a partner. Through intentionally slow, thoughtful movements, through the synchronization of your breath, through eye contact and the exchange of feelings. Unlike ordinary sex, the goal of tantra is not orgasm, but the process itself, the “journey” that gives a deep connection in a couple (now you understand why Sting’s sex lasts forever?). Tantra is not a vigorous penetration, as in porn, but slow sex, during which you can even fall asleep in order to continue with renewed vigor. Leisurely immersing yourself in the sensations, exploring the body – slow-motion sex is not such a bad idea for women, considering that we need more time to get aroused than men.

I will talk about a few principles of tantra that can be incorporated into your sex life right now without going too deep into theory.

Right now, stop reading and take 10 long breaths. Feeling better? I’m sure yes. Before you touch your partner, take 10 breaths to ground yourself and tune in to sex. It’s like in yoga, breathing will increase attention and focus on contact with a partner. You can go even further and synchronize your breaths. Sit opposite each other (for example, in the lotus position) and follow your breath until it matches – your breath on his exhalation and vice versa. When partners harmonize their breathing, this gives a powerful energy connection. (Just turn off your brain, I beg you! Drive away thoughts about work and a sick grandmother.)

It is better to master Tantra in a calm environment – without children and household members. On vacation or on weekends, when there is time for love rituals. The practice is clearly not suitable for hurried people, since it does not consider intercourse and orgasm as the goal of sex. Do not rush to foreplay, do not rush to undress. Start with light massages and strokes – touch and explore your partner as if for the first time. Realize that movement brings pleasure right now. Think about merging with a partner, not about orgasm. In order to slow down as much as possible, some coaches recommend the “three instead of 30” rule. Where you usually do 30 moves or thrusts, limit yourself to three in the same amount of time.

It is difficult for an impatient Westerner to use tantra in daily life. Treat it as a practice that will strengthen your connection with your partner. The easiest way is to look into each other’s eyes during sex. Tantrikas call them “gates of the soul.” So doggy style is not the best position for spiritual intimacy. In this case, there is the classic position of Yab Yum (Yab Yum), a symbol of the divine union of male and female principles. The woman sits on her partner’s hips, hugging him with her arms and crossing her legs behind his back. The pubic bones are tightly pressed. The perfect position to make eye contact and synchronize breathing. If you are not sure that you took the pose correctly, peep on YouTube.

In the East, tantra is directly connected with energy, or, to put it simply, with the life force that partners transfer to each other during sex. It gives a feeling of fullness, knowledge and openness to the world. Practice is aimed at awakening this resource and managing it. What helps a woman move energy through her body during sex? Contraction of intimate muscles. They work like a pump. Imagine that the energy that is in your genitals moves up the spine, through the head and flows into the partner’s body. Don’t laugh, just visualize! Once imagine this process – what kind of energy do you “pour” into a man? What color is it, how big is the jet? You will learn a lot about yourself, believe me.

I like another tantric practice. Sex therapist Jacqueline Hellier calls it an experience of daily commitment. It is better to perform in the morning, immediately after waking up. In the “spoon” position, when the couple lies on their side, the man hugs from behind and stays inside the partner for 5-10 minutes. Hellier recommends: “You don’t have to move your penis. Harmonize your breath and just relax. Through each breath, the partner contracts the muscles of the vagina. Feel what’s happening.

What I like about tantra is that it can be practiced without a partner. When you’re single, it’s time to work on your breath, become aware of your desires, and do some sexual exploration of your body. All the tricks that I talked about above are also suitable for masturbation. Try to play with your fingers – put away toys so that through tactile sensations you can enjoy your skin and points that turn on. Do not rush – you are so beautiful that you deserve the longest and most sensual caresses.

Maria Bogdanchikova on Instagram (The social network is recognized as extremist and banned in the Russian Federation)