This is not only funny, but also sad. Just a hymn to human loneliness! Newspapers now and then report about eccentrics caught red-handed during public sex with objects that are quite difficult to imagine as an object of someone’s desire. Meanwhile, people even enter into marriages – with pillows, burritos, the Eiffel Tower. Here is just a small list of things that fell into the chronicle of sexual incidents in recent years.

15 of the weirdest things people have had sex with

Getty Images

  1. Mattress. In principle, this is not so strange – you lie naked at home, watch porn on a portable DVD player and, in the absence of a partner, have a mattress. One nuance: if you are also homeless and your place of lodging for the night is an open parking lot near a nursing home, this is not ice. One 52-year-old American had so much fun a few years ago and was convicted of indecent behavior and public exposure. Before that, he already had 72 arrests for various violations, including sexual offenses. So he ended up on the street, and they don’t even let him into shelters.
  2. Inflatable raft. The 35-year-old from Ohio had one love: pink swim mattresses. He was arrested at least three times for sexual activities with them. Once, the neighborhood kids spotted him naked in the pool at night. In another, he did it while standing naked on the highway.
  3. Jeep. Many men love their cars (and even give them affectionate names). But few do it physically. One guy was arrested after a friendly drinking party for having sex with a Land Rover parked outside a barbecue. The culprit of the incident is married, he has three children, and sober he could no longer remember how he ended up in the middle of the street with his pants down, committing obscene acts with an unfortunate SUV.
  4. Bike. And in Sweden, the surveillance camera recorded the sexual abuse of the great.
  5. Pizza. More precisely, raw dough for baking it. In such a strange sexual adventure, one of the netizens admitted and added that it was one of the best moments of his life. We hope this dough has not gone to some unsuspecting lover of Italian cuisine.
  6. Picnic table. You know those tables with a hole in the middle that you put an umbrella in? It was to such a table that one 40-year-old resident of Bellevue crept up – not at all with an umbrella. He was completely naked and made his villainous attack on the table in the middle of the day, and meanwhile there was an elementary school nearby, so the attacker (by the way, also the father of three children) was arrested.
  7. Bench in the park. This story also ended badly: a 41-year-old resident of Hong Kong got his reproductive organ stuck in it and was taken to the hospital along with a bench so that doctors could free him.
  8. Ambulance. A 25-year-old Englishman, drunk and stoned on weed, was arrested while rubbing himself against the hood of an ambulance for sexual gratification.
  9. Another Briton was arrested for publicly molesting lamppost.
  10. Road sign. A 60-year-old man was caught by neighbors when he tried to commit sexual acts with a road sign and film this disgrace.
  11. Dead deer. A 20-year-old Wisconsin resident was caught red-handed for carnal pleasures with the body of a downed deer, which he noticed on the side of the road and dragged into the forest. The young man’s lawyers responded to accusations of intercourse with an animal that the dead deer was no longer a deer.
  12. Helicopter. An experienced Washington mechanophile who has credited at least 1,000 cars, he also included a helicopter in his list of adventures – and not just any ordinary one, but from the Aerovolk TV show popular in the 80s in the USA. Fans of the series were very outraged. It’s the same as to abuse the train from Romashkovo, if it weren’t drawn.
  13. Berlin Wall. A 54-year-old German woman with a diagnosis of “objectophilia”, that is, obsessed with a passion for an inanimate object, has been in love with the Berlin Wall since childhood and is even married to it. The destruction of the wall in 1989 was a real trauma for her. She still keeps “his” photos from the glory days.
  14. Ketchup. The man was driving quietly in his car and did not touch anyone – except for the fact that his intimate parts at that moment were lowered into a jar of pasta sauce. At the sight of a police car, he tried to hide, the law enforcement officers decided that he had a weapon on his lap, and set off in pursuit. As a result, the lover of spicy-sweet sensations was charged with resisting the police and indecent behavior, and in defense said that he resisted the police just in order to remain within the limits of decency.
  15. Hi-fi stereo system. Another woman who suffers from objectophilia, loves radio equipment and is in love with her stereo system named Jake. He replaces the 43-year-old British woman with real friends and lovers.