fun time

This happens all the time in romantic comedies. She calls him and in a languid voice promises a dizzying blowjob as soon as he returns from work. At this time, he sits on the board of directors and turns on the speakerphone. What for? It always remains behind the scenes, and they always laugh at the girl.

Okay, the chances that he will read your frivolous message to colleagues aloud are small. But if the message arrives at the wrong time, your partner most likely won’t even notice. The moment will be lost. Do not write to him in the middle of the working day if you know that he is very busy. Don’t text him late at night if you know he might be woken up by a beep. Also, when raiding in Control Strike, just don’t do it.

The beauty of erotic correspondence is reciprocity. When should he write? For example, when you know that he is sitting at the airport, bored and waiting for the gate announcement. Or when you’re in the bathroom and he’s getting ready for bed. Seize the moment, as they say.

“Your Jade Wand”

Don’t be too allusive. The Japanese, for example, were masters of metaphor. The writers had only to mention the “tangled hair” of the woman, and it became clear to the readers that the heroine had just had rough sex. But we’re not in 100-year-old Japan, so don’t be afraid to be a little more direct.

It is also better not to reach outright vulgarity. It’s great if you have words and expressions that are understandable only to two: jokes about sex, some kind of “keys” that open the way to your intimate life … Use them.



Quotes from VK

Speak in your own words. Do not use quotes from movies, VKontakte groups or classics (anti-sex!). Your partner is not turned on by Dostoevsky or Al Pacino – he is turned on by you, your words and your desire.

The only thing worse than that is sending a quote in front of a picture of a sunset, honestly.

Wrong number dialed

Highly. Carefully. We walked. Erotic messages. Check the number. Check again. Are you sure you send it to that person? Are you sure it’s not your colleague’s number, or your ex, or your mother-in-law? These are the last people who need to know how you would like to have sex with your partner.

He speaks…

Nobody likes audio messages. And especially erotic audio messages. However, he, most likely, will not even know what you said to him in your slightly hoarse, languid voice. Why? Because he will delete it, and he will write to you: “I can’t listen now, write.” And that’s it – all the romance down the drain.


…and shows

Never send your “nude” photos. Even if it seems to you now that you will stay with this person forever and ever. Even if we do not think badly about a person and assume that one day he will turn from a handsome prince into a mouflon, this still does not guarantee the safety of your pictures.

The phone can be lost, stolen or hacked. Remember, everything that goes on the Internet stays on the Internet.



Do not try to start an erotic correspondence when you are drunk. At best, a touching nonsense will come out, and the two of you will laugh. At worst, you’ll write something really awkward that you’ll regret later.

Word for word

Don’t write short sentences in every post. Honestly, this is annoying both in normal correspondence and in erotic.


I am sitting in the bathroom.


And caress



It will definitely explode, but not in the way you would like.

Answer word

Do not turn erotic correspondence into a story about your masturbation. Even if you write much faster than your partner, give him the opportunity to react. You need to figure out if he likes what’s going on, or if he’d rather interact live.

And washing powder

Do not start erotic correspondence in the middle of an everyday conversation.

“Vadik, buy some bread. By the way, I want you and I’m on fire. And milk.”

There must be a place and a time for this. Do not send him conflicting signals and decide what you want more – bread or his.

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