Sex is not only pleasure, but also an integral part of a healthy lifestyle, doctors tell us: the heart muscle is strengthened, blood circulation improves, the risk of inflammatory processes is reduced, and the immune and hormonal systems work in such a way that even epic heroes will envy. The mood is better, sleep is calmer – so why put off all these useful things in anticipation of great and pure love? And if the fateful meeting has already taken place, then one must not only enjoy spiritual intimacy, but also supplement it with physical intimacy at every opportunity – cardiograms and a general blood test, like astronauts, do not lie on the road!
But sex also has a dark side. As soon as he disappears for any reason, they immediately start to frighten us with horror stories that can easily compete with Japanese horror films and pictures from cigarette packs. What is missing among these stories, which are no longer told in the pioneer camp, but in the offices of gynecologists and at women’s trainings – and the Gray Vagina, and Hormone Imbalance, and Mood Swings. “Girl-girl, Early Menopause is already in your city! Girl-girl, she is already near your house!
But here’s the paradox: it’s worth mentioning that we not only remained without sex ourselves, but also involved a husband or boyfriend in abstinence, as people around instantly forget about any menopause and imbalances, switching to the guy’s suffering: “Poor thing! How does he live with you?!” And it doesn’t matter that your stitches after the operation still hurt or you work 16 hours a day, the man will be the victim.
It doesn’t matter where the girl mentions that her partner is temporarily practicing austerity: at the doctor’s office, visiting her parents or in the company of her friends. There will definitely be those who, like Chip and Dale, immediately rush to save a man, urging a woman to immediately return sex to his life, while frightening her with catastrophes, compared with which Early Menopause is a trifle in life. For example, divorce or the appearance of a mistress.
“I don’t have sex now, because of the illness, my libido disappeared altogether. She told the psychologist (she herself asked), and she answered: “How my husband endures!” And she added that something urgently needs to be done about it. ”
“I didn’t have sex with my second husband. He was 55 and didn’t need to. My friends, when I stupidly told about it, accused me: I did not try and made my husband impotent.
“I have a friend who has a strong gag reflex, she can’t even take pills. So, she wrote that the poor husband, because he was deprived of oral sex! Not her, but her husband.
“When I emigrated to Lithuania, my husband stayed in Russia for another six months. Friends told me: “What are you, how is it, he will find someone for himself!” It was crazy for me to hear that. Six years old, normal flight.”
“Give birth. Incisions, stitches, breastfeeding and life with a baby in general, that’s it. We didn’t have sex for four months at all, and all the well-wishers said: he’ll go to the left, he’s suffering, you have to be patient, so what if it hurts and doesn’t want to, at first everyone hurts and doesn’t want to, this is normal.
You really try
Men rarely hear this. Few of them say: “Business trip? What a horror, but what about the wife for a whole week without sex? or “What do cardiologists say? Is it possible a week after the operation? You really try somehow, otherwise the spouse will find another. Well, you know, their nature is like that – they can’t live without it.” If men complain about their spouse’s libido, no one recommends them lacy lingerie, a new hairstyle, a fitness menu, and courses in 32 ways of cunnilingus. And here are our tips “Gingerbread Man, get the hare interested!” we hear all the time. And it’s very embarrassing!
If a guy cries that his girlfriend has lost interest in bed comforts, then they pity him. But as soon as we talk about “marital duties”, we immediately hear: the main thing is not orgasms, but love. Doesn’t drink, doesn’t beat, brings money home? So what else do you want? Guess there’s no sex! And they live without it, and a glass of wine helps a lot with mood swings.
For some reason, male abstinence turned out to be a beast, much more terrible than female. They draw him in the blackest colors – a monster oblo, mischievous, huge, staring and barking: it is believed that the lack of sex is fraught for guys no longer with mood swings, but with cancer, prostatitis, heart attacks and impotence. Where is smoking!
Male masturbation is ridiculed at the same time – this is for losers! A real man with a capital “M” will not stoop to that. If he has a wife or girlfriend, then he will achieve from her the proper performance of marital duties. It’s not trifles, it’s dangerous to live without sex – you remember: prostatitis, heart attacks … And when guys start to sincerely believe in it, the consequences are sad. And the mistress is far from the worst case scenario.
“After the first birth, I had stitches in the perineum. At first, my husband waited, then they began to try, it hurt me. And for a moment he didn’t care. He drank and… Well, yes, we broke up. But why he could not be patient, I still do not understand.
“My friend got sick and was treated for a long time. Then she found out that at that time her husband was cheating on her in his mother’s apartment. And when a scandal broke out, the mother-in-law screamed that her friend was a fool, and she, the mother-in-law, brought her son with a married colleague solely for the sake of saving the family.
“I am a sexologist. I already have a bloody callus on my tongue from explaining to people with the request “Fix your wife so that she wants again” that libido does not get off the shelf and that there are a lot of factors that affect it, and you need to work with them, and not squeeze out of a person attraction.”
“When I was 20 years old, I underwent gynecological treatment, my partner made it clear to me that he didn’t need me with such problems and without sex. And yes, I often heard from the guys I knew: “Poor boy, you can understand him.”
In fact, there is no real reason for men or women to be afraid of abstinence. Yes, doctors talk about the consequences, and indeed there are studies that show that it can be harmful to health. But here’s the thing: it’s worth asking a doctor who talks about this: “And if you masturbate?”, Then he will immediately answer: “Then, of course, don’t be afraid of anything!” (Unless, of course, the doctor works as a coach in the center, where for 4990 rubles they want to teach you the only correct vaginal orgasm.)
So do not take seriously the lamentations of well-wishers that you will bring your partner to the cemetery with your coldness: either the advisers are incompetent in medicine, or they just want to spoil your mood.
Yes, and masturbation is not always necessary. As the girls say, other ways are great for men. Does the wife fall asleep after giving birth, barely touching the pillow with her head? Start to rise to the cries of the child at night instead of her. And you yourself will fall asleep earlier than your wife, or rest will have a positive effect on her libido. Does your partner get tired because she works a lot? Take her as an example! Also, pay off your mortgage ahead of schedule – at the same time you will find out if more endorphins are released than during an orgasm.
Maybe it was not so right to breed sex and love in opposite corners of the ring. These are not so different things when it comes to family, and it is much more valuable than the macho image that is imposed on men: if you want to be considered the stronger sex, please attach a certificate of potency and regular night marathons. Waiting until the woman you love wants you is not that difficult: thousands of people have done it, and no one has died (and that’s for sure).
“There was a break in sex after a miscarriage. The husband calmly endured it, he didn’t really need it himself, he was also worried. For us, sex is more than physiology – an emotional component, an important part of our relationship.
“After giving birth, there was a long period without sex. For two months, I generally forbade touching more intimately than hugging my shoulders, my whole body ached. Then it seemed to pass, the libido returned, but it was painful to have sex, so we waited for this to pass. And nothing, the husband did not die during this time, did not find anyone for himself and did not suffer. However, he had no time to suffer especially – he either worked or took care of the child, including at night, and was not at all opposed to going to bed instead of failed sex.
“My second husband and I met while living in different countries. They were able to get married only years later, and a year later they finally came together. Met no more than once every few months, too expensive; after the wedding, there was a break of nine months (he lost his job). Nobody died.”
“I had a story: I put together a combo with thrush and an implant. We agreed that a month – a joint dream, hugging and his independent masturbation, until I become capable of sex. He said: “Before you, I didn’t have sex for almost a year, I survived it.”
So do not believe in forecasts that your partner will “wither and fall off” if you suddenly need a break. Sex is not food or sleep, without which it is really impossible to live. This is just a manifestation of closeness and love for each other, and far from the only one. And certainly sex should not turn into a one-way process under the motto “You are not disgusted, but I am pleased,” because such a strategy can easily kill intimacy.
It is often said that celibacy reduces attraction. I missed once, the second – and now I don’t want sex at all. But it’s like thinking that after a diet before a vacation, you will forever stop loving your adored barbecue. But we know that it will only taste better. But if you forcefully push your favorite dishes into yourself over and over again, then you can really hate them for life.
And therefore, you should not believe in stories about men who are already suffering for the second week of abstinence, even if a world-famous doctor tells you about it. There is not a single consequence of not having sex that is worth the trust between people who plan to spend their lives together. And certainly you should not destroy it with your own hands, trying to take care not of your own, but of someone else’s comfort.