You will remain a prisoner of illusions
Surely in your life together there were pleasant moments. And if the sex was good, you will remember them. It may even seem to you that everything was not so bad and you broke up completely in vain. But sex (even the best) is not a reason to cross out old grievances and start all over again. It’s impossible. You cannot step into the same river twice.
Remember why you broke up. There was a good enough reason why you couldn’t get along anymore. There is no reason to believe that one sexual act will change anything in his behavior. If it were, you would have solved your problems much sooner.
You can’t let go of your emotions
There is nothing wrong with emotions. But, in fact, this is another illusion – the opposite of the idea of \u200b\u200bconverging again. “It will be just sex, I will not feel anything for him,” you decide. And you will lose.
It’s one thing to have sex with a stranger in a bar with whom you’re only connected by a couple of cocktails, plus he loves spaniels, as you found out in the cab. But you and your ex have much more in common than simple chemistry. You had breakfast together, he brought you tea with jam when you were sick, saw you off to work, prepared surprises… You can’t just delete it from your “hard drive”.
And when emotions begin to take over, that’s where the trouble begins.
Easier doesn’t mean better
One of the main reasons we don’t deny exes sex is simplicity. Most often, we do not immediately switch to other relationships, but spend some time alone. But the libido does not disappear anywhere, and the former is a great option for a quick fix.
You know what to expect from him, no need to reinvent the wheel in bed, even more: sex after a breakup can be the best in your life. Because you no longer need to prove anything to each other, and making love is no longer part of the “mandatory program”, but a little adultery. This immediately gives sex some extra piquancy.
The whole problem is that simplicity in this case is also your enemy. Every time you follow a well-trodden path, you deprive yourself of the opportunity to try something new. Because any new relationship requires some tension: you need to go, meet someone, find someone you like, go on a couple of dates. All this takes time and effort, while your “ex” is here, nearby and probably with similar problems as you.
But the more often you have sex, the more it becomes a habit.
If, despite the arguments of reason, you still cannot resist, follow these simple rules in order not to fall into the trap of your emotions.
Don’t stay the night
And don’t let him. Sex (an already very intimate process) can develop into something much more intimate if you decide to spend the night together. Co-sleeping involves hugs and closeness, conversations, and probably one-on-one breakfast. Here it is easy to fall into the hook of one’s own weakness and old sympathies.
Just because you don’t have partners right now doesn’t mean your ex is celibate either. Always think about yourself and protect yourself from possible risks.
Make sure you both know what you’re doing
Discuss the terms right away. All the nuances need to be agreed “ashore”. If you just need good sex, and he expects to return your relationship, nothing will stick together for you.
The main rule of any sex (not only if it is with an ex) is to take care of your own comfort and well-being. Trying to turn back time once can be an interesting and fun experience, but remember that you can’t step into the same river twice.