Alena Al-As

Today the world is changing at an unprecedented speed, and even such seemingly basic foundations have changed.


It was assumed that women are monogamous by default, because they are the keepers of the hearth and are simply obliged, in any outcome, to be faithful to their partner, sit by the window and become covered with dust.

But are women really monogamous, as society has drummed into women’s heads? I am sure that “one man for life” is a decision not determined by physiology, but associated solely with social pressure and rules, which, as we know, were written by men. And in these rules – “know your place, woman.” And you know who determined this place for her.

Previously, dependence on public opinion and a heavy father’s fist, with which he hit the table in case of disobedience, was stronger than any predispositions, desires and instincts. The woman had a list, in front of each of the items she ticked off in turn – take care of yourself before the wedding; pregnancy after the performance of almost every marital duty; give birth regardless of how you feel, the outcome of pregnancy and previous births; take care of children, house and husband.

From an overabundance of duties, from the oppression that fell on their shoulders, from the lack of contraception, women put an end to themselves and perceived sex as a duty, duty and duty. There was no talk of pleasure.



Yes, there have always been women who listened to their desires and followed the path of least resistance, ignoring society, its pressure and condemnation from many, they chose their pleasure, their nature.

But this has always been the exception to the rule.

Times have changed and women are claiming their rights louder and louder. The advent of contraceptives gave freedom to every woman from the inevitable outcome of sex – pregnancy, which haunted our ancestors. The woman herself chooses a partner. He listens to his feelings and can already calmly talk about the real reasons for the “mismatch of characters”, as the reasons for divorces – different sexual constitutions, lack of sex.

And yet, as a psychologist and sexologist, I see a very important nuance. Female polygamy in its purest form takes place at certain moments in a woman’s life and not in such a large number of cases. And here our natural mental characteristics play an enormous role, which cannot be discounted. Our most important difference from men is the strongest emotional attachment to a sexual partner. Only a small percentage of women can distinguish between bed and emotions, physical satisfaction from moral satisfaction. Do you know the situation when, after a quarrel with a partner, we refuse a stormy reconciliation, because the insult has not passed and the passions have not subsided? So, men have never understood and will not understand us in this matter, since there is nothing better for them than to make peace in bed. Few people can completely separate sex and relationships, sex and emotions, sexual satisfaction and emotional satisfaction, therefore, free relationships, supported by a physiological impulse, are less common in women than in men.


Yes, men cheat on their soul mates with women, only they are much more likely to become attached, fall in love and eventually suffer, because the man did not promise anything, and love was not supposed to.

Another important point. If everything is started for the sake of satisfying one’s desires, sex, then we know that the best sex appears when there is grinding, getting used to the partner’s body, feeling each other. A woman’s orgasm, unlike a man’s, is not just a mechanic, and without some preliminary adjustment (which is impossible with a one-time contact) simply will not happen. And then it turns out that only the drive from the feeling of freedom, and not satisfaction at all, was the goal. And it’s not about monogamy, but about overcoming internal prohibitions. And here it is better to work with a psychologist than to get involved in changing partners.


But there is more. If, speaking of polygamy, we mean not only the change of sexual partners, but also emotional attachment? And then it becomes obvious that we can really experience tenderness, emotional attraction and comfort in communicating with several men. And then, going beyond the understanding of polygamy, solely as jumping from bed to bed, we will find that a few interesting, close, similar in emotions and interests men can significantly diversify and color our life.

One thing is clear – sex is as important to us as it is to men. Women came out of the twilight of convictions, condemnations, a sense of duty and blind obedience to many years of foundations. Is it bad? Is it good? Every woman has the right to decide for herself how many partners to have, how to choose them and whether to live with someone who does not meet her needs, or to find the most suitable option for her. And this freedom is worth a lot.