Oh those men! Listen to them, so any imperfection of a girl can bring the average representative of the “strong half of humanity” to erectile dysfunction for the rest of his life.

Because of this, we constantly diet, epilate the entire body, carefully select underwear and study the recommendations of sex coaches on how to look beautiful during a blowjob. But sometimes men choose such strange things for sex that I want to ask: are all these tricks really necessary to excite guys?

Once in South Dakota, in the small town of Sioux Falls, a man noticed a pensioner dressed in women’s tights and making strange gestures near a road pole. Just in case, a vigilant passerby called the police. The law enforcement officers who arrived were discouraged: it turned out that an elderly man … had sex with a pole.

But that’s not all: during a search in his video archive, many recordings were found, which showed that the fetishist constantly copulated with poles and filmed it on camera. There were other objects of passion: for example, a special hole dug in the ground. Finally finished off the police video in which a fan of pantyhose performed an act in the style of BDSM … with a door frame.

Everyone knows what a picnic table looks like: round, plastic and with a hole for an umbrella in the middle. It was she who attracted the 40-year-old American from Bellevue, Ohio: every morning he came to the park naked and copulated with the table using this hole.

In the end, he was detained: the outraged townspeople not only called the police, but also provided them with evidence of the offense filmed on camera. The police captain noted that he had never encountered such a thing: “Sometimes you think that you have seen everything in this life, but always something like that will happen.”

…very fond of his work. Rather, one of its components: mailboxes. They caught him by accident: a resident of the house drew attention to a suspicious puddle near the front door. True, he suspected that some hooligan had urinated near his house, and he could not even imagine what was really happening.

The man installed surveillance cameras, and it soon became clear that there was something worse than urine: the video shows how the postman walked to the door, put his penis in the letter hole and began to masturbate. A few minutes later, he completed his “wet job”, got into a company car and left.

The Irishman was arrested, and he confessed to everything, however, he could not explain the motive for his actions. The victims demanded compensation of 5,400 pounds, but in the end everything was limited to the fact that the fetishist paid for the installation of a new door, which cost 1,000 pounds. The postman also spent 100 hours doing corrective work. Hopefully they didn’t include mail delivery.

Mixing alcohol and drugs is a very, very bad idea. This is exactly what a 26-year-old Briton did in a pub, and it all ended sadly. The restaurant staff noticed the man when he, having lowered his trousers to his ankles, lay on a pile of leaves and made frictions.

Hearing screams: “What are you doing ?!” – the guy jumped up, pulled on his trousers and … fell into the bushes. The man was arrested, but at the trial he didn’t even really remember what he was doing – the reason for this was a cocktail of cocaine, marijuana and alcohol, which was found in his blood.

During the meeting, the judges had to watch a video with intercourse, filmed on the phone: the Briton fucked the leaves right in front of the restaurant where the parents had dinner with the children who captured him. For his act, the man received eight months in prison. After serving his sentence, he is no longer going to appear in the pub: it turned out to be very awkward.

A 20-year-old resident of Wisconsin was detained for having sex with the carcass of a deer, knocked down on the road. Let’s try to get Bambi and all the other cute little animals out of our heads and forget about the most unpleasant side of this story, because there was also enough fun in it.

A heated debate broke out between the prosecutor and the defense lawyer in court about whether it is possible to punish a man for bestiality. The lawyer argued that the carcass is no longer an animal, and even for some reason added that the law does not provide for punishment for people who had sex with a roasted turkey.

In response, the prosecutor stated that the accused used the words “dead deer”, which means that he treated the carcass as an animal. As a result, the man was nevertheless sentenced to 18 months in prison. Six years after this episode, the bestialist went to jail again: this time for attacking a woman with a child.

The sofa is quite often involved in sex, but the 47-year-old New Yorker assigned him a special role. The man was noticed during a night run by a policeman: a lover of upholstered furniture tried to satisfy himself with the help of a discarded sofa, thrusting his penis between the pillows and making frictions.

When the policeman realized what was happening, he shouted: “What are you doing here?” The fetishist jumped up and ran into the darkness with an erect member. Later, the sofa lover was arrested: he received five months in prison and a ban on possession of any pornography. I wonder if catalogs of furniture stores are included here?

Edward Smith of Washington State never hid the fact that he was a mechanophile, and even boasted that he had sex with more than a thousand cars. It is noteworthy that Smith was not a millionaire: this means that, most likely, other people’s cars parked near houses or in parking lots became his “lovers”.

However, Edward considers sex with a helicopter from the series Airwolf to be his greatest achievement. How and where Smith gained access to the helicopter remains unknown. The man only told in an interview with the British newspaper The Telegraph that there was such an episode, and added: “This is my most vivid sexual experience.”

A Reddit user with the nickname casualiama admitted that he had fun with raw pizza dough, and it was “in some ways better than real sex.” The post got more than 500 comments: people had a lot of questions.

“With or without a condom? It seems to me that without it the dough will stick … “

“You then made a pizza out of it? Did someone eat it?”

“Go straight to fourth base, or did you kiss first?”

“Do you want to add sauce next time?”

“What do you think about puff pastry?”

When asked about a condom, the guy answered in the affirmative, and even reminded that it is necessary to protect yourself, because otherwise you can pick up a yeast fungus. During the conversation, it also turned out that the dough lover works in a pizzeria. True, a supervisor, but you still start to wonder: is it possible to eat something cooked outside the home?

These are not all stories about strange objects that turn men on. In Ohio, for example, the guy had fun with an air mattress and not at all in the pool: he went with his rubber friend to the highway. In Sweden, a man who committed adultery with a bicycle was caught on camera. A Hong Kong man was taken to the hospital with a piece of sawn-off bench in which his erect penis was stuck.

Well, people often use inanimate objects for sex. But, reading about some oddities, all that remains is to shrug and ask: guys, have you tried going to a sex shop?

Photo: Legion media, Shutterstock