“p” word

Whether you like it or not, there will always be three of you in sex on the beach: you, him and Sand. The ubiquitous grains hardly interfere when they stick to your heels. It is quite another thing to sand – let’s call a spade a spade – in shorts. Yes, yes, he will certainly be there if you do not take extra precautions. And, believe me, it will not feel like obsessive petty rubbish at all, but as if someone is rubbing your body with sandpaper.


How do you keep sand from sticking to you? No way. But there are a couple of hacks to reduce the volume in your underwear.

  • Choose a position with the least contact with the sand. For example, standing or doggy style. If you believe in the power of the blanket, you can take a chance and sit on top of your lover.
  • No matter how tempting this idea may seem to you, you should not have sex wet. If you yourself make the surface of your skin sticky, there is no one to blame but yourself.
  • The same goes for lotions and creams.
  • Be sure to create a barrier between you and the sand – let it be the same blanket.
  • It is better to do without vaginal sex at all. Yes, the beach is much more suitable for oral and manual caresses. At the same time, this way you can quickly hide the “traces of the crime” when the police approach.


Dasha the explorer

Let’s be honest, sex on the beach is not something that happens all of a sudden. As they say, nothing foreshadowed, it never happened – and here it is again. If without jokes, then before indulging in passion on the shore, it is better to study this shore properly. To avoid unpleasant surprises.

You walk around here in daylight anyway, so just remember the surroundings. Find a secluded corner where you can indulge in debauchery in comfort. You can even use Google Maps for these purposes – the satellite sees what you do not see.

In addition to the place, check the time: find out when there are as few tourists as possible in your chosen paradise. And also make sure that at the hour you choose, there will not be a sudden high tide. It will be unpleasant if a wave covers you. Not a wave of orgasm, just a wave. And also check the sanitary condition of the beach. Some beaches just aren’t worth the risk, if you know what we mean.



Equipment: armed and very dangerous

Since you’ve already done your research, here’s a list of what your couple will need for sex. You can print and cross off the list:

  • a blanket that you will use as a layer between someone’s buttocks and sand;
  • parasol. No, there will definitely be no sun at midnight, you don’t have to check it, but there may be more prying eyes than you would like;
  • wet wipes to remove traces of presence from the skin. Well, if suddenly you do not carry them with you;
  • a bag where you put your used condoms to take with you and throw them away. We are for the environment. You don’t want to think about some unfortunate crab who choked on your condom and never made it to his family and kids, do you?


“Officer, arrest me”

Write this phrase down and never, never, never say it if a lawman comes up to you and asks what are you doing here. In fact, what you really need to check is the legislation of the country you are going to.

For example, in Dubai, any sex outside of marriage, as well as same-sex sex, is illegal, and you can run into a very serious punishment if you are caught. In Spain, you can get a large fine. In Florida, you can go to jail for such entertainment for 15 (!) Years.

In fact, the easiest way is to rent a house with a piece of private beach. Then no one will be able to show you anything.

your little friends

We’ll whisper two words to you: sand flea.


The main thing is not to google. Now there will be a minute “fu, why did I read this.” Sand fleas do live in the sand. They are one of the smallest parasites in their order – their size is only 1 mm. You can meet them in tropical countries: in India, Nigeria, Vietnam, Brazil…

It is almost impossible to see them with the naked eye. Bites of sand fleas are very painful, while the female bites much more sensitively than the male. It gnaws through the skin and sticks to the blood vessel. Outwardly, it looks like a small black dot on the body. If the female is not removed, after some time, eggs will begin to ripen in her body. If the bitten one is “luckier” and the male rather than the female chooses him, then the skin will be covered with small red spots, which will pass in 2-3 days. In any case, sarcopsyllosis is considered a very dangerous disease, so if you are bitten, you should immediately seek medical help.


But fleas aren’t your only beach neighbors. There are also crabs. Insects.

In general, all the animals that you can encounter will either be furious at your intrusion or delighted with an unexpected dinner.

Sex on the beach can be a magical, unforgettable experience for you.

Sex on the beach can be a magical, unforgettable experience for the cops, kids, old ladies, or crabs whose attention you get.

Underline whatever applicable.