It is generally accepted that sex is an activity for thin, sonorous and, of course, young people. This misconception even affects sexologists: there have been cases when men who came to advanced training courses were surprised to see a researcher whose films they were shown. “She’s old! they were outraged. – What is it, a forty-year-old aunt will tell us how to have sex? Does she herself remember the last time she did it?!”
The myth that at 20–25 years of age, sexual life is at its peak, and then women are only waiting for wilting, menopause and crocheting instead of shibari, is very tenacious. But, as recent studies show, the reality is different.
The Natural Cycles app was not created to study orgasms, but as another method of contraception: using a special thermometer, it helps women monitor their basal temperature and choose the days when they should abstain from sex (or vice versa if the girl’s goal is to get pregnant).
However, the creators of the application used it to conduct their own study: 2600 users of Natural Cycles took part in it. The women were asked questions about their level of sexual satisfaction, how attractive they felt, and the frequency and quality of orgasms. The respondents were divided into three groups: up to 23 years old, from 24 to 36 years old and older.
Do you think the youngest girls spoke about the greatest satisfaction and quality of sex life? Nothing like that: the survey showed that they experience the least orgasms. At the same time, women in the older age group reported that they get discharged more often and more regularly, and the quality of orgasms has increased over the years.
Sex therapist and author of She Comes First, Jan Kerner, is not surprised by these results. According to him, many patients in their 30s and 40s say they know exactly what excites them and what doesn’t, and they can tell their partner about it. And therefore the doctor believes that the results of the study should be considered from the point of view of psychology.
Yes, the level of hormones in women is highest in their 20s, but it does not lead to high-quality orgasms at all. A woman begins to receive the greatest pleasure for completely different reasons.
The first reason is that the older a woman is, the better she knows herself.
By the age of 30-40, a woman gains experience and knowledge about how her body works. She is no longer looking for the cherished G-spot, but she knows where her clitoris is and what he likes: circular movements, stroking up and down or tapping.
If she does not like oral sex, then she will not do it, no matter what they tell about good, fit mistresses who are ready to please their partner with a “corkscrew” or “deep throat” at any moment. And finally, at 30-40 years old, a woman is confident enough in herself to defend her boundaries: it is easier to change a man than to force yourself to love what you consider unpleasant.
The second reason: a woman has a permanent partner.
A long-term relationship or marriage is the key to quality orgasms for several reasons. Firstly, the lover has enough time to get to know the woman and her tastes and learn everything necessary. Secondly, the girl herself in such a relationship feels desired and confident.
Thirdly, emotional connections and trust manage to develop between people, which, whatever one may say, mean much more than any sensuality trainings or tantric breathing courses completed. At 20, the road to such relationships is usually just beginning, and it takes a lot of time to build them.
The third reason: a woman can distinguish a good partner from a bad one.
You won’t tell her: “All my mistresses liked it, but you are kind of strange,” and you won’t convince her of frigidity. She knows that phrases like “You would do it if you loved me” are manipulation, after which the whiner’s phone must be blacklisted, and then her Tinder profile must be activated again.
She does not consider pushing boundaries and ignoring her desires to be trifles. She already has an arsenal of her own sex toys, and she kicks men out of bed faster than the Satisfyer turns on when they resent that their whole live penis is not enough for sex.
Of course, the number in the passport is not a magic wand. Problems with sex happen at any age: at 20, at 30, and at 40. The magical number 37 does not guarantee frequent and delightful climaxes to anyone. However, the experience and self-confidence gained over the years will definitely help, especially if there is a loving and understanding partner nearby.
So remember: most likely, your best orgasms are yet to come.