I recently realized an amazing thing. If I were given the task of compiling the “Top 10 Most Orgasmic Sexes of My Life”, there would not be a single “first night” in it. And even if it was the “Top 100”. I honestly asked my girlfriends, buddies and female colleagues how often they managed to finish with new partners. Never or almost never. Moreover, this was said without any anguish, bitterness or resentment. It turns out that many (if not most) girls do not particularly care about their own discharge during the first intimacy. But everything else (“If only he didn’t notice that my right nipple is smaller than the left and looks sideways …”, “Should he say that I haven’t had sex for a long time?”, “What if he doesn’t get up? ”, “What if he is crazy?” And so on) worries even more.
If you think about it, sex with a new acquaintance is generally an incredibly stressful and uncomfortable situation. For example, I am very unnerved by the complete ignorance of the erotic habits of the gentleman. It is completely unclear what he can unexpectedly tick off, where to stick his tongue or finger and what a gloomy pervert he turns out to be. And here you can’t guess at all: the appearance, profession, manner of a person’s behavior do not correlate with his preferences in any way. So, the only man in my biography who loved to beat his girlfriends in the process of copulation (and not only on the pope), in his out-of-bed life was a pediatrician with an insinuating voice and a charming dimple on his chin.
I know many women who are plunged into the abyss of despair by the prospect of undressing in front of a guy for the first time. And even the presence of an expressive erection in a partner is not able to rid them of doubts about their attractiveness. Many are disturbed by too bright light, unfamiliar smells, noises and rustles behind the wall. Or, on the contrary, silence, in which the champing of mucous membranes seems especially deafening. And almost everyone is infuriated by how uncoordinated and awkward sometimes all movements come out. Moreover, both participants are trying as if they were being filmed with a hidden camera and the recording will be broadcast on a federal channel.
To be honest, the first sex is always a bit of a performance. Each of us wants to seem more liberated, more driven, more sophisticated than we really are. The strong floor is also drawn. But at some point, their blood finally leaves the “upper floors”, and then, on the outskirts of the finish line, they usually didn’t give a damn about how they look and what strange grunting sounds they make. If it weren’t for their superpower of abstracting from external circumstances and concentrating on why, in fact, you are here today, I suspect that the rate of happy endings per capita of the male population would be the same as that of women. Not very impressive, to say the least. About myself, I clearly know that nine times out of ten I need time to get along, to feel a person, to match. And this is almost always the case. “According to statistics, on average, it takes girls about three months to “grind” to a new partner. And only then they begin to regularly experience orgasms. This is provided that we are talking about a standard “scheme”: they met, met, and after a few weeks it came to sex, – says Valeria Aginskaya, sexologist, director of the Secrets Center for Family and Sexual Education. “The second option is that initially you were friends for a year or longer, communicated closely at work or school, and here the harmonization happens faster, within about four weeks.”
So I also have a feeling that when a meeting on the territory of the same bed is preceded by a certain story, the chance to experience something “something” that contradicts the conclusions of sociologists is much higher. When you undress each other first with your eyes, and only then, much later – with your hands. You correspond about such things that you did not dare to say aloud to the exes, having lived with them under the same roof for many years. In the process, by the way, realizing how similar your intimate vocabulary is (I’m quite calm about swearing in everyday life, but my kundalini instantly shrinks when something like this is pronounced in bed). And then the first sex finally happens – and boom! Well, or not broads … One of my most beautiful platonic novels, an incomprehensible eight months long, ended with the fact that we discovered a fatal incompatibility in dimensions. Everything matched, but this did not. The guy turned out to be very, well, just very big. Joking aside, it looked more like another leg than a male penis. But what a joke. I was sure that I would meet the dawn in the traumatology department. As for me, for a woman, the first intimacy is, first of all, the collection of information, and not the replenishment of the collection of mind-blowing cases of sex. After all, sometimes the way a person suddenly reveals himself when he is undressed and excited, he does not manifest himself in any situation. But at the same time, it is critical that the information you exchange is reliable. Otherwise, it’s generally incomprehensible, what’s the point of everything if you pretend and don’t get any pleasure? Actually, therefore, I am categorically against imitating an orgasm. Ok, you moaned so much that even the neighbors got excited. She raised her partner’s self-esteem and positioned herself in his eyes as an insatiable fury. But what will happen then, when one day the climax turns out to be real? Are you going to write that “those were weak clitoral, and this is vaginal, so everything looked and sounded different”? Several times I managed to get out so. But then life brought me to a fairly experienced and observant guy. He politely listened to my version and then said, “Nice try.” And so-and-so looked … In general, I clearly understood: they saw through me. And since then I vowed to please men with fakes.
The question of whether to talk about their preferences for the first time is debatable. I think if you’re not sure, then don’t. Why raise an already high degree of awkwardness? Someone’s tongue is suspended in the right way, and the porn conversation flows by itself, without any tension. And someone dies of embarrassment, uttering the word “dick.” You can always do without anatomical details, but simply note a particularly successful find of a partner (“Oh, just now it happened at all! Can you do it again?”). And even do it without words, limiting yourself to unintelligible sounds. Enthusiastic lowing is difficult to confuse with skeptical. Not only we, but also beings from Mars actively collect “feedback”.
But you definitely need to talk about what you don’t like. Something that makes you feel insecure. About how, no, you don’t think sex without a condom is a good idea. And you have no desire to continue the conversation in the spirit: “Do you trust me? Well, if so, maybe we can do without the “gum”? In addition, many are looking for a universal recipe for how to overcome anxiety. Alas, I don’t know. I can only share what helps me. Before any test, I remind myself that tomorrow at the same time it will all be over. And in the case of the first intimacy, this will happen much faster. And after that, it will be much more natural for you to be in each other’s company without panties, to joke freely and breathe easier. By the way, about jokes. If, contrary to your general expectations and efforts, everything goes like hell, I share a great idea from one of my ex-lovers. “I guess that’s what they call bad sex, right?” – He clarified with an embarrassed smile, when in the course of our erotic debut he managed to hit my elbow on my nose, and in the end we slid off the silk sheet to the floor with a crash. Our attempt number two, by the way, is still in the “Top 10 Most Amazing Nights of My Life” to this day.
Even more interesting things – in the author’s sex chat!