“Remarriage is a milestone that can happen in anyone’s life. Writing history from scratch is not as easy as it seems. It is not enough to let a new chosen one into your home, it is much more difficult to let him into your heart, learn to trust him and not look back to the past. Today I will tell readers of 7days.ru about the difficulties that occur in a second or subsequent marriage, and how they can be avoided.– He speaks Ekaterina Fedorova, famous family psychologist and sex coach.
What “buts” can arise in remarriage?
An interesting trend has appeared in the modern world: second and subsequent marriages break up as often as the first. Why is this happening?! It would seem that over the years we become more mature, wiser, more experienced. Behind the bitter lessons of life, but again and again we step on the familiar rake. Every year, dozens of women turn to me for help with the same problem: “everything is fine, but …”.
- Difficulties in relationships with children.
- Problems in defining the boundaries and rules of the new family.
- Inconsistency in the sexual preferences of partners or a decrease in sexual desire.
- Psychological incompatibility of partners.
- Unresolved issues from a previous marriage.
- Disagreements on the management of the family budget.
Intractable problems (especially conflicts in the chain “father – stepmother – children”) require the advice of an experienced specialist who will help you choose the right model of behavior. We will focus exclusively on the problems of the relationship “man – woman”.
Ekaterina Fedorova, family psychologist and sex coach
Photo: from the personal archive of E. Fedorova
Psychological compatibility – the most important component in creating a new family. It is much more difficult for a woman to marry a second time: children, age, ambitions, and there are not so many free men who would fit the given criteria.
Women approach the choice of a new chosen one more rationally, paying attention to those qualities that did not suit their ex-husband.
Emotional enthusiasm gives way to conscious sympathy. At first glance, there is nothing wrong with this. However, do not forget that there are no ideal men, as well as ideal women.
remember, that exaggerated demands often lead to disappointment and prolonged loneliness.
Therefore, it is extremely important before entering into a remarriage to work on yourself and reconsider the experience of previous relationships: leave the negative in the past, consolidate and increase the positive. Another equally important component of a strong marriage is sexual compatibility.
Sex for both men and women is more than an emotional release. This is the highest manifestation of love and trust. Therefore, it is also important here to understand how you fit together. Just do not bring your interests solely under the usual standards: improve and learn sexual skills.
Even if it seems to you that after ten years of the first marriage, all poses and techniques have been studied. Maybe I will upset you, but still I will say that this is not so. There are hundreds of types of sexual caresses, dozens of variations of classic positions. In addition, perhaps a new partner will give previously unknown emotions.
What do spouses need to do to make a new relationship happy?
Top 10 Rules for a Successful Remarriage:
- Avoid comparing the new relationship with the old marriage.
- Be understanding and patient with your partner’s shortcomings.
- Do not demand from your spouse that he immediately adopt your children.
- Don’t look to the past, live in the present.
- Trust each other. Solve problems together.
- Do not hide your feelings, show affection and care.
- Get rid of the belief that “all men are goats, and women are bitches.”
- Sleep in the same bed.
- Feel free to discuss your sexual preferences.
- Spend leisure time together.
Remarriage will no longer be like the previous one, he will be happier if he keeps his family in love, trust and forgiveness.