In an era of feminism and equality, it’s not easy to admit that women love hard sex. They want to be dominated in bed, pushed around and pulled by the hair, called the last word, even in the context of a game of mutual consent.
Why a woman likes to be spanked: the opinion of scientists
According to a study by the University of North Texas, 57% of women are turned on by the idea of hard sex, no matter how politically incorrect it may sound. “This is not a marginal desire, this is more normal than you might imagine,” says Zhanna Vrangalova, Ph.D., professor of psychology at New York University and founder of the Casual Sex Project blog. Well, if more than half of women love hard sex, then you can really admit that this is the norm.
In 2011, 50 Shades of Gray, a book about sex impossible without a resounding slap, disappeared from bookstores at the speed of sound, and the electronic version broke the sales record for the paper version. Can it be argued that all the customers were women who love hard sex? No, but the huge interest in the topic is obvious.
It was the first book to sell a million copies for the Kindle reader. Understandably, few readers wanted their friends to see the cover of Fifty Shades of Gray on their shelves. Today, three years after the book’s release, the garish trailer for the movie adaptation of the acclaimed novel premiered not on a late-night TV show, but on a brisk Today morning show. And this is already a certain status! The fact that women love hard sex has become mainstream.
Poses for light BDSM
“My boyfriend got carried away and strangled me a little, which was… cool,” admits Natasha, a 29-year-old PR person. “We spoke frankly with him, and since then, clapping, spanking, humiliating sex talk has been an integral part of our games in bed.” But even women who see hardcore games as an important factor in achieving pleasure must be thinking about the consequences of male dominance. We, the women of the 21st century, have passed the difficult path from slavery to independence! We have been working for more than a hundred years to be respected, considered equal and perceived as strong. And suddenly it turns out that women love hard sex. Doesn’t this mean that all progress has led to the fact that we like to be humiliated?
The psychology of submission: why women love hard sex
Not at all. If you like it when your boyfriend spanks or chokes you, it does not mean that you are a supporter of sexism. We can love hard sex as much as we like, but this is not a synonym for any other domestic and social humiliation. The main thing is not to let this game go beyond the bedroom. And it’s impossible to unequivocally answer the question of which women love hard sex – preferences of this kind are individual and certainly don’t boil down to whether you are a sexist or a feminist.
Life hacks to improve intimate life
“It’s simple: it turns you on,” explains sexologist and therapist Steven Snyder. Despite the evolution of mankind, some aspects of sexual attractiveness have remained at a primitive level. A man differs from a woman in physical strength, and it is she who underlies our sensuality. No one says that passion and rudeness must necessarily go in one bundle. Still, we have gone much further than our ancestors. Do women like hard sex? Not all of them. It’s just that we still can’t resist if we find out that he wants us so badly that he is ready to pin us to the bed.
Feeling the power is very exciting! For many women who grow up with the feeling that sex is dirty or bad, being included in a game where they are allegedly forced to act can alleviate feelings of guilt or anxiety. That’s why girls like hard sex. “It helps women share responsibility for their desires,” says Vrangalova.
There are also physiological reasons why women like hard sex. “When you are frightened, blood circulation rises, the pupils dilate, the whole body comes into a state of increased excitement,” Zhanna explains. “Add a sexual component to this and it will be quite pleasant.”
The system of checks and balances: women who love hard sex just want to relax
The next round of popularity of hard sex fell on the period of the long-awaited power of women in society. And it is no coincidence. By the way, perhaps, hence the stereotype that it is mature women who love hard sex. There is some truth in it – in life we play a dominant role, but in bed we prefer to be victims. For us, this is rest and filling in the gaps.
Do you remember the stories when successful men paid “mistresses” to “humiliate” them in brothels? It’s our turn to admit – women love hard sex! We so often limit ourselves in ordinary life that sex becomes almost the only area where we can let ourselves go. “The ability to push boundaries gives me a sense of sexual power, even if I’m in a position of submission,” says Lisa, actress, 28. – It’s hard for me to imagine a relationship in which everything suits me, but I do not get my portion of “legal cruelty.”
The problem is that we want harsh treatment, and men are increasingly lacking tenderness. We taught them to watch romantic melodramas, recognized their right to express their feelings, even if it was tears in three streams, and this is the result. Women who love hard sex yearn for a strong hand clenching their hair in a fist, men – if possible, hold hands. The question is not that we do not need to be shy of instincts, but that we convey this to our partners. Yes, this is not what they expect from us, confident and independent girls. But if we have already decided that we want to obey, there is no doubt, we will get it.
Do you want to add passion? Three tips on how to start hard sex
It is easier to jump into a pool of cold water at once than to enter gradually. In hard sex, the opposite is true. Yes, many women love hard sex, but before you jump into the abyss of passion, you should get used to the boiling point.
Start small. Determine immediately what you want and what you don’t. For example, you are for spanking, but against insults. Discuss this with a partner. Come up with a stop word that means a sudden stop on his part. Even women who love rough sex should always be able to back off.
Turn up the intensity. Start with light blows, pressing down. Let him put his hand on your neck, close it slightly, and the other – press on your chest. Continue if you like. Without fanaticism. Ask him to ask you about each new step: “Can I spank you?” – and get a response: “Do you like the way I squeeze your neck?” If a woman loves hard sex, this does not exclude the observance of the principle of consent.
Change your dominant position. If you like it when he chokes you a little, try doing the same with him. What if he likes to be with a woman who loves hard sex? In this way, both of you can learn what it means to have control and what it is like not to have it.
