Sex after scandal
There are couples who practice a horizontal form of conflict resolution. They know how to quarrel anywhere, and they prefer to put up only in bed, considering it a suitable way. But is it?
Passion after scandal
When a scandal comes to a standstill, one of the parties tries to capitulate, then intimacy often becomes the way out. If sexual intercourse is performed specifically for conciliatory purposes, it is usually accompanied by a strong, sometimes wild passion.
“This is explained by the fact that during the conflict the parties are already excited. And making love is a great way to relieve negative emotions, and even get physical pleasure. And a couple who has ever put up with this way knows how mind-blowing impressions such an experience leaves. However, the frequent use of this method of conflict resolution can lead to additional complications.
According to statistics, more often men are prone to such military tricks as reconciliation in bed. They turn on a partner and themselves to get maximum excitement and plunge into an unforgettable experience.
Women are also the initiators of such reconciliation. Often this process helps them achieve the fulfillment of certain women’s desires. By the way, according to the expert, women, when reconciled in this way, are ready to satisfy a man not only in the traditional way, but also orally. At the same time, they refuse sexual actions on the part of a man.
However, the expert gives at least five arguments against resorting to this method of reconciliation. Of course, conflicts in the family must be resolved amicably. But still not so.
Argument No. 1. This is not how the problem is solved. The conflict remains
Don’t put off a conversation that clears up disagreements
In a couple, any quarrel always happens against the backdrop of disagreements, which means that there are problems in the relationship. Even very good and passionate intercourse does not solve the real problem. And the more often a couple resorts to this method of reconciliation, the deeper it digs problems.
Through the bed it is not possible to understand what does not suit a person, what worries, what are the discontents. A frank conversation in which partners try to explain their emotions and actions helps to clarify disagreements.
“Even if the couple reconciled through a horizontal position, you should not put off a conversation that clarifies the differences,” the expert warns. “Otherwise, unresolved moments will arise again and again.”
Argument #2: Lack of control and security
In order not to turn out like in the famous film “Mr. and Mrs. Smith”, do not forget about control and safety
Photo: frame from the film
Conciliatory intimate relationships against the backdrop of a quarrel or scandal are always associated with anger and increased arousal. Often this can not be called making love, so intercourse becomes tough.
“There are couples who even in peacetime prefer an aggressive style in bed, but in such intimacy there are rules and restrictions in the form of stop words,” explains Irina Barbat. – That is, rigidity is controlled consciously. In cases where the act of love is used for conciliatory purposes, control will be reduced, and sometimes it is completely absent. It can even lead to some form of violence, injury. Raging hormones do not allow a man and a woman to consciously perceive the situation and the consequences.
Argument #3. Nero’s Syndrome
As statistics show, 10 percent of men experience vivid excitement, precisely when they are in a state of aggression. To get a stable and strong erection, they need to scream, scold their partner. They deliberately put themselves into such an emotional state, because it provides them with a powerful release of adrenaline and testosterone into the blood. They say that this is what the emperor Nero did.
A high level of male hormone enhances potency and leads to a stable erection. Intimate intimacy against such an emotional background has an increased degree of intensity, and, accordingly, the level of sexual discharge is high.
“Often, men who have problems with potency (suffering from erectile function) resort to this type of sexual relationship,” says the sexologist. “For them, a quarrel becomes an alternative to taking a special pill that improves their physical intimate strength.”
But isn’t it better to solve medical problems with the help of doctors and medicines, and not at the expense of the psyche of a loved one?
Argument #4: The Dopamine Trap
Dopamine is a hormone, a neurotransmitter produced by the brain and adrenal glands. It is also called the hormone of happiness. It is released into the brain when a person experiences positive emotions, as well as when expecting positive events and pleasant memories.
“Conciliatory intercourse is very passionate, so dopamine is released in a high dose,” says the expert. – Such reconciliation is remembered for a long time. But ordinary intimacy, in which the hormone is released in a smaller volume, does not bring such satisfaction. This is where the trap comes in. When you want vivid sensations, passion, the couple increasingly begins to create situations of conflict, because it was after this that there was a breathtaking intimacy. When quarrels and scandals take the place of foreplay, it is not so easy to get out of this trap.
Argument #5 False Hope
A conciliatory love act is fraught with hidden dangers and self-deception
There are stories when, after a breakup that occurred as a result of insoluble conflicts and resentment against a partner, a couple meets somewhere by chance and again begins a heated discussion of the relationship. The conversation, of course, is accompanied by a surge of negative emotions, and sometimes ends with reconciliation in bed.
“The hormones that are released during orgasm can again cause former partners to trust each other, disposition and false hopes,” warns Irina Barbat. “But this is a temporary state, the true causes of the gap have not disappeared. Women are more affected by this effect.
The expert said that according to the results of research, many women who actively use reconciliation in bed experience a decrease in libido and the brightness of orgasm. They have reduced sensitivity of erogenous zones with less emotional intimacy, they require more prolonged stimulation to achieve persistent arousal.
“Despite the very vivid emotions and sensations, it is worth remembering that a conciliatory love act is fraught with hidden dangers and self-deception. For diversity and novelty in sexual life, other methods should be used, ”concludes Irina Barbat.