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What to do if a man only wants sex

One day my good friend – a charming, attractive and talented girl – complained:
“I want men to take me seriously.
What does “seriously” mean?
– Well, so that they don’t treat me exclusively as an object for sex.
“I don’t treat you like that. You and I can talk about everything in the world, I really appreciate it.
Yes, but you are married.
– And what, you communicate with free men in a fundamentally different way?
– It doesn’t matter, but it’s different…
“That’s the root of the problem.

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The question “Why am I only treated as a sexual object?” girls ask often. And this is what they hear in response: men only need sex, nothing can be done; you’re behaving wrong, dress modestly; you are looking in the wrong place – you need to in the library, and not in a nightclub; just wait, and among the hordes of lustful men, sooner or later you will come across the same one.

It’s funny, but there is some truth in each of these statements. Men are really interested in sex with a woman they like; it is strange to look for a person who can appreciate your soul, where people gather who are looking for a body; we actually meet people who are not right for us before we find “the one”. However, all these are details that divert attention from the main thing – our own personality. And it is correct to raise the question not “Why do they treat me like that?”, But “What am I doing so that men see me only as a sexual object?”. And here is the answer: “I deny myself respect.” By self-respect, I mean the ability to notice the most important things in yourself and not be afraid to show it to others. When you do not hide feelings, desires, hobbies from the interlocutor, you are fully present in every contact as a person, then only those who need a living analogue of a rubber doll will try to turn you exclusively into a sex object. The toy does not have its own needs, interests, so it is convenient with it. You can’t do anything with that attitude, it’s not even worth trying. Just do not agree to try on this role.

If you do not understand who you are, what you like, or are afraid to express your own interests and defend values, then it is not surprising that a man only wants sex from you.

How to be a person who causes not only sexual desire, but also the desire to understand you? Here are some observations. First: if you don’t understand what you like, you don’t have stable interests, you know yourself very, very poorly, then you can really attract a man only with your body (well, with some other applied functions like cooking borscht). Those who need only this will pay attention to you. The rule, by the way, can be applied to men: if a young man has nothing to offer himself, he will reduce everything to sex. Exit? Study yourself, your desires, recognize emotions and build boundaries.

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Second: it is not enough just to be aware of your needs and feelings, it is important not to be afraid to express them. If you are everything
while you are afraid that a man will not be interested in your words or deeds, you betray yourself. Genuine contact is based on presenting differences to each other, and artificial contact is made up of attempts to adapt – to pretend that you are fascinated by a topic that makes you want to yawn. Laugh when it’s not funny. Hold onto your disagreement. How will be correct? Bring up topics that interest you, not
only to a man. Don’t agree to what you don’t want to do. Do what both like (in the family
life is somewhat different, but we are not talking about it now). It happens that you know and love a lot of things, but when communicating with men, it suddenly seems insignificant. Is this what happens to one person? Listen to how he reacts to your words. Does it depreciate (“Yes, some kind of nonsense”, “Only fools do that”)? Your attempts to tell something about yourself are sluggishly drawn to: “Well, yes …” Or: “But I have …” There is a narcissistic character, this man needs not you, but your admiration. Embarrassment for their interests is manifested in communication with everyone? You are most likely underestimating yourself. Get rid of it: self-respect involves
it is also a requirement (that’s right – “requirement”) for another to value our beliefs and feelings.

It was not in vain that I told my friend that she should not behave differently with a friend and a handsome man. In order not to be considered “just a beautiful woman”, one must not be afraid to be a full-fledged person. Show the inner world with everyone, even, perhaps, with negative manifestations. It is they who distinguish living people from dolls.

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